What should I do when my child copies others’ rude answers to adults? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is deeply concerning when a child begins to give rude answers to adults, especially when you know they are imitating what they have seen from others. This behaviour undermines respect, damages relationships, and, if left unaddressed, can become a difficult habit to undo. Your role is to address this behaviour with calm firmness, making it clear that respectful speech is a non-negotiable value in your family. 

Why Children Copy Rude Replies 

Understanding the motivation behind this behaviour helps you to guide your child wisely. Children often copy rude replies because: 

• They believe it makes them look bold, independent, or “grown-up.” 

• They have seen their peers use rude answers to get a laugh or attention. 

• They are testing boundaries to see if this behaviour will be tolerated at home. 

Set a Firm and Consistent Standard 

Make it clear that rudeness towards adults is not acceptable under any circumstances. 

‘In our home, we always answer adults politely. Even if you are feeling upset, you must speak with respect.’ 

Repeat this message calmly and consistently, so it becomes an unmistakable family boundary. 

Correct Without Escalating 

When your child gives a rude reply, avoid getting into a shouting match, as this only models more disrespect. Instead, pause the conversation and ask for a correction. 

‘Let us try that again, but this time with respectful words.’ 

This approach teaches them that rudeness will not be accepted, while also giving them an immediate opportunity to make it right. 

Practise Respectful Alternatives 

During calm moments, role-play different scenarios with your child where they might feel frustrated or defiant. Teach them specific, respectful phrases they can use instead of a rude retort. 

• ‘I am feeling upset right now. May I please have a moment?’ 

• ‘I do not agree with that, but I will listen to what you have to say.’ 

Equipping them with these tools gives them the words they need when emotions run high. 

Reinforce Respectful Speech 

When your child responds politely, particularly in a difficult moment, praise them clearly and specifically. 

‘I really liked how you answered so politely, even though I could see you were upset. That shows real maturity and self-control.’ 

Positive reinforcement is what strengthens the behaviour you want to see. By setting clear standards and offering alternatives, you can help your child learn that true confidence comes from respectful words, not from rudeness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an immense emphasis on showing respect to elders, parents, and teachers. Speaking rudely to adults not only harms one’s manners but also one’s spiritual standing. Children must be taught from an early age that their words are a direct reflection of their faith. 

Believers are commanded to speak to their parents, the primary elders in their life, with the utmost dignity and respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words.‘ 

This verse establishes a high standard of speech, forbidding even a minor word of disrespect towards parents and commanding us to use “a noble word.” 

Honouring our elders is considered a way of honouring Allah Himself. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4843, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Part of glorifying Allah is honouring the grey-haired Muslim, the one who teaches the Quran, and the just ruler.’ 

This hadith teaches that showing honour to our elders and teachers is not merely a social grace but an act that is tied to our reverence for Allah. By guiding your child to abandon rude replies, you are not only protecting their manners but are also nurturing their faith. They learn that respect is a form of worship and that dignified speech reflects strength, humility, and closeness to Allah.