What should I say when my child uses disrespectful jokes learned from others? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be both disappointing and alarming to hear your child repeat a disrespectful joke. Children often pick up this kind of humour from friends or media without fully understanding its impact. Often, what they perceive as harmless fun is in fact hurtful, insulting, or disrespectful. The challenge is to address this calmly but firmly, guiding them towards a better understanding of humour. 

Why Children Repeat Disrespectful Jokes 

Children are usually not motivated by a desire to be cruel. They are often repeating such jokes because: 

• They believe it is a quick way to make others laugh and gain admiration. 

• They have not yet developed the empathy to understand the line between humour and harm. 

• They want to fit in with a peer group where this type of humour is common. 

Recognising these motivations allows you to correct them with patience, not anger. 

Respond Calmly but Clearly 

When your child tells a disrespectful joke, pause and address it directly and without drama. 

‘That joke might seem funny to some, but it is based on being unkind. In our family, we do not make humour out of disrespect.’ 

This sets a clear, unambiguous standard without escalating the situation into an angry confrontation. 

Teach Alternative Ways to Be Funny 

Show your child that humour can be clever and lighthearted without being harmful. Actively share silly stories, gentle wordplay, and family-friendly jokes. Encourage them to find their sense of humour through creativity, not cruelty. This teaches them that there are many ways to be funny that do not involve putting others down. 

Use Reflection 

Guide your child to develop empathy by asking them to consider the other person’s perspective. 

‘How would you feel if someone made that joke about you or someone you love?’ 

This simple question helps your child understand the emotional impact of their words, making disrespectful humour far less appealing. 

Reinforce Respectful Speech 

Be quick to notice and praise when your child uses humour in an appropriate and kind way. 

‘That was a very clever joke, and I loved how it made all of us laugh without hurting anyone’s feelings.’ 

By combining clear correction with positive alternatives, you show your child that while humour is welcome in your home, disrespect is not. Over time, they will learn that true wit is inseparable from kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the tongue carries immense weight; our words have the power to either lift people up or wound them deeply. Jokes that belittle or disrespect others are not seen as harmless fun but as actions that can damage both relationships and one’s own character. 

Mocking others or joking at their expense is directly forbidden, as we can never know a person’s true worth in the sight of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse teaches a profound lesson in humility, reminding us that respect for others is a fundamental principle of faith. 

A believer must be a source of safety for others, and this includes protecting them from the harm of our words. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 610, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not harm the Muslims, do not revile them, and do not spy on them.’ 

This hadith makes it clear that our responsibility to not harm others extends to our speech, even when we are joking. When you guide your child to avoid disrespectful humour, you are not taking away their joy; you are shaping their character. They learn that words should spread kindness, not cruelty, and that real laughter is that which uplifts, not humiliates.