What if my child starts copying another child’s attitude of ignoring adults? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is unsettling when your child begins to copy a peer’s dismissive attitude, particularly when it involves ignoring adults. This behaviour can quickly undermine the standard of respect in your home and may cause you to worry that rudeness will become normalised. The good news is that with firm boundaries and consistent guidance, you can correct this behaviour before it becomes an ingrained habit. 

Why Children Copy Such Behaviour 

Children often imitate their peers for a variety of social reasons. They might be copying this specific behaviour because: 

• They perceive it as a way of looking confident, independent, or “cool.” 

• They are trying to fit in with a peer group where this attitude is common. 

• They are testing boundaries to see if the same behaviour is permissible for them. 

Understanding this allows you to respond with calm correction rather than personal frustration. 

Reinforce Respect as a Family Value 

Make it unequivocally clear that acknowledging adults is a non-negotiable rule of respect in your home. Keep your language firm, simple, and calm. For example: ‘In our family, when an adult speaks to us, we answer politely. That is our standard of behaviour.’ Repeating this expectation consistently helps your child understand that respect is a core family value, regardless of what others do. 

Model the Behaviour You Want 

Your own actions are the most powerful teaching tool. Acknowledge your child warmly and enthusiastically when they greet or respond to you. If they fail to answer, prompt them gently but firmly: ‘I did not hear a reply. Let us try that again, please.’ This approach ensures that ignoring an adult is never overlooked, while polite responses are always noticed and valued. 

Highlight the Positive Outcomes of Respect 

Help your child see that politeness strengthens relationships, while being dismissive damages trust. Create opportunities for them to experience the positive results of respectful interaction. For example, if they greet a neighbour or relative politely, you can later point out the warm and friendly response they received in return. 

Provide Alternative Confidence 

If your child is imitating this behaviour because it seems bold, provide them with better and more authentic outlets for building confidence. Encourage them to take on small responsibilities, lead a family task, or practise polite and articulate speech. This helps them learn that true confidence is demonstrated through respectful engagement, not dismissiveness. 

By setting a clear standard and consistently modelling it, you can help your child unlearn this negative habit and come to value courteous and respectful interaction. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great emphasis on showing respect to elders and those in positions of authority. Copying a dismissive attitude is not just a breach of etiquette; it is a weakening of one’s character. Children need to be taught that respecting others is an act of faith. 

Allah Almighty links the worship of Him directly with kindness and respect for one’s parents, showing the immense importance of this duty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘ And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably…’ 

This verse establishes a foundational principle: honouring one’s elders, beginning with parents, is a sacred obligation second only to the worship of Allah. 

The character of a believer is defined by their respect for their elders. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This profound hadith teaches that showing respect is not an optional extra but an essential part of a Muslim’s identity. When you guide your child to respond politely to adults, you are nurturing their faith. Over time, they will learn that showing respect is a sign of strength, dignity, and closeness to Allah.