How can I break a cycle when both keep imitating each other’s tantrums? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can feel like a relentless spiral when one child’s tantrum triggers an identical one from their sibling. As a parent, you may feel completely drained, wondering how to restore calm. In truth, tantrums are contagious because children quickly learn that intense emotional displays are a very effective way to command attention. By copying each other, they reinforce the behaviour. Breaking this cycle requires calm consistency and a clear, unified strategy. 

Stay Calm and Neutral 

Children feed off your emotional energy. If you react with a raised voice or a flustered expression, you are adding fuel to the fire. Instead, maintain a steady and neutral tone. 

Parent: ‘I can see you are both very upset. We can talk about this when you are calm.’ 

This simple statement communicates that tantrums will not achieve the reaction they are designed to provoke. 

Avoid Rewarding Tantrums 

It is crucial to ensure that a tantrum never achieves the child’s desired outcome. If one child is screaming for a toy and the other joins in, calmly hold the boundary. 

Parent: ‘Screaming will not get you the toy. When you are ready to ask me nicely, you may have a turn.’ 

By refusing to reward the outburst, you remove its power and prevent the behaviour from being reinforced. 

Teach Calmer Alternatives Together 

Once the children have settled, use the opportunity to teach them a better way. Practise simple alternatives in a calm moment, turning it into a shared lesson. 

Parent: ‘Instead of screaming, what is a better way to ask for a turn with the toy?’ 

Child: ‘Can I have it, please?’ 

Parent: ‘That is a perfect way to ask. See how much calmer that feels for everyone?’ 

Addressing both children at once makes it a collective skill they are learning as a team. 

Separate and Reset if Needed 

If the tantrums continue to escalate, gently separating the children can be the most effective way to break the mirroring cycle. Offer each a quiet space or a calming activity to help them regulate their emotions independently. Once they have cooled down, you can bring them back together to reconcile. 

Through firm consistency, your children will learn that tantrums are an ineffective tool, while calm communication yields positive results. Over time, they will begin to influence each other positively instead of fuelling each other’s negativity. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the virtues of patience (sabr) and self-control are foundational to a strong character. Helping children manage their tantrums is not just about creating a peaceful home; it is about training their hearts to resist impulsive behaviour and choose a more thoughtful and righteous response. 

Controlling anger and choosing forgiveness is a sign of true faith and strength. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘ And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.‘ 

This verse teaches that the ability to manage anger and choose forgiveness over an outburst is a quality of those who are close to Allah. Instilling this value in children from an early age helps them see calmness not as weakness, but as a spiritual virtue. 

Real strength is measured not by the volume of one’s anger, but by the depth of one’s self-control. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This profound hadith redefines strength for a child. It teaches that a loud tantrum does not make them powerful, but learning to calm down and control their emotions does. When you patiently guide your children through their tantrums, you are helping them develop resilience, emotional intelligence, and a character rooted in true spiritual strength.