How can I give choices that speed things up without power struggles? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children naturally resist when they feel overly controlled, which is why morning routines can often descend into a battle of wills. Offering choices is a powerful technique that gives them a much-needed sense of control and autonomy, while still ensuring the morning routine moves forward. The key is to offer choices that are limited, simple, and where both options lead to the desired outcome. 

Offer Limited, Time-Bound Choices 

Giving too many options can cause confusion and further delays. Instead, offer two clear and simple choices, both of which are acceptable to you. 

• ‘Would you like to put on your shoes first or your jumper first?’ 

• ‘Shall we set a timer for two minutes or three minutes to get our coats on?’ 

This approach maintains momentum without getting stuck in a lengthy debate. 

Using ‘When-Then’ Language to Motivate 

This simple structure connects the task you need them to complete with something they want to do. This technique avoids the need for nagging and instead frames cooperation as something rewarding. 

• ‘When your shoes are on, then you can choose the music for the car journey.’ 

• ‘When your breakfast is finished, then you can pick which story we listen to on the way to school.’ 

Framing Choices Around Responsibility 

Sometimes, children stall because they feel powerless. Framing choices in this way gives them a sense of ownership over the task, while you maintain your position of calm authority. 

• Child: ‘I do not want to get ready!’ 

• Parent: ‘I hear you. You have a choice: you can put your shoes on by yourself, or I can help you. Which would you prefer?’ 

In this example, both outcomes result in the shoes being put on, but the child feels respected and part of the process. 

Avoiding False or Overwhelming Choices 

It is important to avoid offering false choices. For example, do not ask, ‘Do you want to go to school today?’ if going to school is not negotiable, as this will only lead to unnecessary conflict. Stick to offering small, manageable choices within the established routine. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam consistently reminds us that guidance is most effective when it is offered with wisdom and mercy, not with force and harshness. The parenting strategy of offering choices beautifully mirrors this spiritual principle, as it grants a child dignity while still steering them in the right direction. 

Wisdom in Gentle Guidance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

This verse reminds us that the most effective form of guidance is rooted in wisdom and gentle speech, not in forcefulness. 

The Prophetic Way of Giving Options 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, and what He does not give for anything else.’ 

This hadith teaches that a gentle approach, which includes offering calm and respectful choices, can achieve positive results that harshness and force never will. By offering quick and respectful options, you not only reduce conflict and keep the morning routine running smoothly, but you also show your child that discipline and dignity can coexist. This is the heart of Islamic parenting: a beautiful balance of firmness and mercy.