Parenting Perspective 

Some children find it very difficult to let go of hurt feelings, even after receiving an apology. They might continue to sulk, refuse to play, or bring up the issue again at a later time. This is often because they have not yet learned how to process their emotions, or they feel that the apology they received was not sufficient. The key is to teach them that forgiveness is a choice that brings peace, not an act that dismisses what happened. 

Acknowledge Feelings Without Condoning Grudges 

It is helpful to say to your child, ‘It is okay to feel upset for a while, but holding on to anger is what keeps the hurt alive.’ This approach shows them that their emotions are valid, while gently guiding them towards letting go. 

Encourage Healthy Expression of Hurt 

Encourage them to explain why they are still feeling upset. You could ask, ‘Can you explain to your friend why what they did hurt you?’ Teaching children to voice their feelings helps them feel heard, which in turn makes the act of forgiveness easier. 

Frame Forgiveness as a Gift to Themselves 

Explain that when you forgive someone, you are not saying that what they did was acceptable; rather, you are allowing yourself to feel lighter inside. This reframes forgiveness as an act of self-care, rather than simply an act of kindness towards others. 

Model the Act of Forgiveness 

Show them how you forgive and move on when someone apologises to you. For example, you might say, ‘I was hurt by what happened, but I have forgiven them because I do not want anger to stay in my heart.’ This normalises forgiveness, presenting it as a sign of strength, not weakness. 

By guiding your child to process their feelings and release grudges, you help them to understand that forgiveness is a gift they give to themselves as much as to others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that letting go of grudges and choosing to forgive others are marks of a noble character. While feeling hurt is natural, holding onto those feelings can harden the heart. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a means of attracting the mercy of Allah Almighty and strengthening our relationships with others. 

Quranic Guidance on Pardoning Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse reminds us that forgiving others is a form of excellence (ihsan) that earns the love of Allah Almighty. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Restraining Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4777, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If anyone suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah will call him on the Day of Resurrection and ask him to choose whichever of the bright-eyed maidens he wishes.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the act of letting go of anger, even when we are in a position to act on it, is rewarded with immense honour by God. 

By connecting the act of forgiveness to the mercy of Allah Almighty, you help your child to see that releasing a grudge is not about minimising their feelings, but about rising above anger with dignity. They learn that forgiveness is an act that heals their own heart, strengthens their bonds with others, and ultimately brings them closer to Allah.