Parenting Perspective 

Strong-willed children often resist apologising because they fear losing control or being perceived as weak. For them, an apology can feel like an act of submission rather than a step towards building peace. The key is to transform the act of apologising into a safe and empowering choice that preserves their dignity while still teaching accountability. 

Frame Apology as an Act of Courage 

It is helpful to tell your child, ‘Saying sorry does not make you small; it shows you are brave enough to fix things.’ This reframes the apology as an act of courage, which appeals directly to a strong-willed child’s innate sense of strength. 

Give Them Ownership of the Repair Process 

Instead of demanding a scripted, verbal apology, allow them to choose how they make amends. This could be through words, a hand-drawn picture, or a helpful action. Giving them this choice prevents the apology from feeling like a forced submission and instead turns it into an act of personal leadership. 

Separate the Mistake from Their Identity 

Reassure your child that apologising for a mistake does not mean that they are a ‘bad’ person. You can say, ‘You are a good person who made a mistake, and choosing to fix it shows your strength.’ This approach helps to protect their self-confidence while simultaneously encouraging humility. 

Model Apologies with Dignity 

When you apologise yourself, demonstrate that it is not a demeaning act, but one that builds trust. For example, you might say, ‘I should not have spoken so quickly, and I am sorry. Let us try that again.’ Children learn that an apology is a safe act when they see adults practising it with dignity. 

By making an apology feel safe, empowering, and respectful, you help your strong-willed child to use their determination not to avoid responsibility, but to embrace it with courage. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, humility is never a source of humiliation; it is a form of strength that Allah Almighty greatly honours. Teaching a strong-willed child that an apology is not an act of losing, but of gaining dignity in the sight of Allah, can help to reshape how they view responsibility. 

Quranic Guidance on the Strength of Humility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse reminds us that true humility is a form of strength, as it has the power to transform conflict into peace. 

Prophetic Wisdom on the Value of Reconciliation 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Shall I not tell you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer, and charity?’ They said: “Yes.” He ﷺ said: ‘Reconciling between people, for indeed spoiling relations is the shaver.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the act of making peace, which often includes apologising, holds an immense spiritual value, sometimes even greater than other major acts of worship. 

By showing your child that an apology is not an act of defeat but a path to achieving a higher honour, you guide them to see it as a safe, strong, and rewarding choice. They learn that true power lies not in resisting humility, but in using it to restore peace and earn respect, both within the family and in their faith.