Parenting Perspective 

Children learn far more from what they see than from what they are told. If you want them to speak respectfully, the most powerful lesson comes from your own example. While raising your voice might achieve immediate compliance, it also teaches that respect is optional when one is under stress. By demonstrating calm authority and consistent self-control, you help your child to see that respectful behaviour is a matter of character, not of power. 

Use a Steady, Calm Tone 

Even when you feel frustrated, make a conscious effort to keep your voice low and steady. A simple statement like, ‘I need you to listen to me now,’ delivered calmly, is very effective. Your calmness carries its own authority because it communicates self-control, not desperation, and it prevents the situation from escalating. 

Practise What You Expect 

If your family rule is that no one should interrupt, you must also show patience when your child is speaking. If you expect them to make polite requests, ensure you use words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when you speak to them. Children naturally mirror the behaviour they experience from you on a daily basis. 

Reinforce Through Actions 

Respect is about more than just words; it is also conveyed through our actions and mannerisms. Small acts, such as knocking before you enter your child’s room, apologising when you have made a mistake, or listening to them attentively without looking at your phone, all serve as powerful models of the behaviour you wish to see from them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a strong emphasis on dignity and gentleness in all speech. As such, parents are not only teachers of rules but also living role models of Islamic etiquette (adab). When they demonstrate respect in their own conduct, they invite their children to embody the same noble qualities. 

The Command for a Moderate Voice 

The Quran discourages harsh or loud speech, reminding believers that moderation and a lowered voice are integral parts of a noble and dignified character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 19: 

‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys.’ 

Good Character as a Sign of Complete Faith 

The prophetic tradition teaches that respect for one’s family is a defining characteristic of a believer whose faith is strong and complete. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

By modelling respectful behaviour without raising your voice, you are aligning your discipline with prophetic gentleness. Your child learns that true strength lies in calm self-control, and that respect is a way of life rooted in both their family values and their faith.