Parenting Perspective 

Children often learn to say ‘sorry’ as a quick fix, without truly recognising the feelings of the person they have hurt. To make their apologies more meaningful, you can guide them to go one step further by specifically acknowledging the hurt they have caused. This practice helps to cultivate deeper empathy and strengthens their relationships with siblings and peers. 

Teach the ‘Two-Part Apology’ 

You can show your child that a full and sincere apology often has two important parts. This simple structure helps them to move from a mere formality towards genuine sincerity. The two parts are: 

• Acknowledging the action: For example, “I am sorry that I pushed you.” 

• Acknowledging the feeling: For example, “I know that it made you feel sad.” 

Practise Through Gentle Role-Play 

Use toys or act out imaginary scenarios to practise this fuller form of apology. You could say, “Let’s pretend the teddy bear knocked over the bunny’s blocks. The teddy can say, ‘I am sorry I knocked over your blocks. I can see that made you feel upset.’” This allows your child to practise the skill in a fun, low-pressure environment. 

Prompt Them with Reflective Questions 

If your child offers a simple ‘sorry’, you can gently prompt them to think more deeply. You could ask, “What are you saying sorry for?” followed by, “And how do you think that made your brother or sister feel?” Over time and with consistent practice, they will learn to include these acknowledgements naturally in their own apologies. 

Model a Complete Apology Yourself 

When you apologise to your child, make sure you model this two-part structure yourself. For example, “I am sorry I was distracted by my phone earlier. I know that made you feel ignored, and that was not fair to you.” This shows them exactly what acknowledging another person’s feelings looks like in practice. 

By teaching them that an apology involves recognising both the action and the resulting emotion, children learn that ‘sorry’ is not a shortcut, but a powerful and sincere way to repair a relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincerity (ikhlas) is an essential component of our words and deeds. An apology that is offered without sincerity does little to bring about healing, but an apology that acknowledges another person’s hurt is a reflection of humility and compassion, which are qualities deeply beloved to Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 1: 

‘…So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves…’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of mending relationships requires a conscious effort, not just empty words, and that true reconciliation can only come from a place of sincerity. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that a believer’s faith is demonstrated by their ability to protect others from harm. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe.’ 

This teaches us that protecting others from harm, which includes emotional hurt, is a fundamental part of our faith. Acknowledging the hurt we have caused is the first and most crucial step in repairing it. By guiding your children to acknowledge the specific hurt they have caused, you are nurturing sincerity in both their words and their hearts. This practice helps them to develop their emotional awareness while also living the core Islamic value of protecting and honouring the feelings of others.