Parenting Perspective 

Disagreements between siblings are a natural part of family life, but how a parent handles them can shape whether a child learns problem-solving skills or develops lasting resentment. The correct approach depends on the intensity of the fight; some minor disagreements are valuable learning opportunities, while others require parental intervention to ensure safety and fairness. 

Knowing When to Step Back 

If the argument is a minor one, such as a disagreement over whose turn it is or who gets to use a particular toy, it is often best to give your children some space to try to sort it out themselves. You can watch from a distance and only step in if the situation begins to escalate. This approach helps children to practise important life skills like negotiation, patience, and self-control. 

Knowing When to Step In 

If a fight becomes physical, involves hurtful insults, or demonstrates a clear and repeated pattern of unfairness (such as one sibling always dominating the other), then parental intervention is necessary. It is important to step in calmly, without immediately taking sides, and to guide both children towards a respectful and fair solution. 

Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills 

Instead of simply solving the fight for them, which teaches dependency, you can model healthy problem-solving. For example, you might act as a mediator and say, “I can hear that you both want to use the same toy. What do you think would be a fair way to share it?” Over time, this equips them with the skills to manage their own conflicts more constructively. 

Using Apologies as Teachable Moments 

If the conflict has reached a point where an apology is needed, guide your children to make it meaningful rather than forced. You could ask, “Can you tell your sister how you think she felt when you grabbed the toy from her?” This simple question shifts the focus of the fight towards opportunities for empathy and growth. 

By carefully balancing intervention with gentle guidance, you can teach your children both the independence and the sense of fairness they need to resolve their own conflicts. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, reconciliation and justice are clear priorities, while harshness and unfairness are strongly discouraged. Parents are considered the shepherds of their families, and part of that sacred duty is knowing when to guide their children and when to allow them to learn through their own experiences. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 9: 

‘And if two factions amongst the believers quarrel with each other, then mediate (making peace) between them; but if one of the groups subjugates (the rights) of the other (wilfully and maliciously); then fight against the oppressors until they return to the commandment of Allah (Almighty)…’ 

This verse reminds us that stepping in to reconcile others is a necessary and righteous act, especially when a conflict escalates. This reflects the Islamic principles of justice and care for the community. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that intervention is a duty when harm is being done. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.’ People asked, ‘O Allah’s Messenger! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?’ The Prophet said, ‘By preventing him from oppressing others.’ 

This teaches us that our duty is not just to the person being wronged, but also to the person doing the wrong, by guiding them away from harmful behaviour. By sometimes allowing your children to resolve their own minor issues, and at other times stepping in to stop harm and teach justice, you are reflecting the beautiful balance of Islam. Your children learn from this that while conflicts are a natural part of life, the pursuit of peace and fairness must always be the ultimate goal.