Parenting Perspective 

It is a common frustration for parents when children use the word ‘sorry’ as a quick escape from conflict, only to fall back into the same argument a short while later. This cycle often happens when they view an apology as a routine word rather than a genuine commitment to different behaviour. Parents can transform this pattern by teaching that a real apology means learning, changing, and actively trying to avoid the same mistake again. 

Teach That ‘Sorry’ is a Commitment, Not a Shortcut 

Explain to your children that an apology is not a magic word that simply erases what happened. You can tell them, “When we say we are sorry, it means we are also going to try to do something different next time.” This simple reframing helps them to see an apology as a promise of future effort, not just as a way to dodge immediate responsibility. 

Build Reflection into the Apology Process 

After a conflict, do not let the interaction end with a simple ‘sorry’. Guide each child to reflect on what occurred by asking, “What happened just now? What do you think you could do better next time?” This process of reflection helps them to connect their words with self-awareness and turns their mistakes into valuable learning moments. 

Link Apologies to Concrete, Actionable Steps 

Children often need practical tools to help them change their behaviour. If they frequently argue over toys, you can teach them a system for turn-taking. If they fight over personal space, you can help them to establish a clear sharing rule. If they use unkind words, you can practise gentle phrases with them. These concrete steps show them how the intention behind an apology can be translated into real-world actions. 

Use Encouragement to Reinforce Growth 

Make sure to praise small steps of progress, even if a fight is not avoided entirely. You might say, “You both started to argue, but this time you managed to calm down much quicker. That shows that your apologies are starting to work.” This kind of encouragement reinforces the idea that learning from mistakes is a valuable and ongoing process. 

By teaching your children that an apology is incomplete without reflection, effort, and action, you help them to see ‘sorry’ as a path to genuine growth, not as a revolving door that leads back into the same conflict. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the act of repentance (tawbah) is only considered truly meaningful when it is accompanied by a sincere effort to avoid repeating the same mistake. This principle can be used to teach children that their words of regret must be followed by sincerity and a commitment to positive change. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verses 8: 

‘O you people, who are believers, seek repentance from your Sustainer with sincere contrition…’ 

This verse reminds us that the sincerity of any apology or act of repentance is proven by striving not to return to the same wrongful action again. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that the best people are those who learn from their errors. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2749, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent.’ 

This teaches us that making mistakes is a natural part of the human experience, but true goodness lies in the sincere effort to learn and improve after those mistakes have been made. When children understand that a real apology means changing their behaviour for the better, they begin to align their actions with the core Islamic teachings on sincerity and repentance. They learn that repairing relationships is not about uttering empty words, but is about effort, responsibility, and growth, which are qualities that strengthen both their family bonds and their faith in Allah Almighty.