How to Reframe Apologies for a Child Who Feels Like a ‘Bad Kid’ 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child equates offering an apology with being a ‘bad kid,’ it indicates they are connecting their mistakes to their identity rather than viewing them as separate behaviours. This mindset can be harmful to their self-esteem and may cause them to become defensive. The goal is to teach them that everyone makes mistakes and that apologising is a sign of strength, growth, and care for others. 

Separate the Child from the Behaviour 

It is vital to gently explain the difference between who they are and what they did. You could say, “You are not a bad person. You are a good and kind child, but sometimes our actions can hurt others. Saying sorry is the brave way we fix that hurt.” By focusing on the specific behaviour and not on the child’s intrinsic worth, you protect their sense of self while still addressing the mistake. 

Normalise Apologies by Modelling Them 

Demonstrate that apologising is a normal part of life for everyone, including adults. When you make a mistake, model a healthy apology. For instance, “I was wrong to raise my voice just now. I am sorry.” When children see the adults they admire apologising without shame, they learn that it is a mature and respectful act, not a label that defines them as ‘bad.’ 

Celebrate the Courage It Takes to Apologise 

When your child gathers the courage to apologise, praise their character for doing so. You might say, “That was very brave of you to say sorry. It shows how much you care about other people’s feelings.” This approach reframes the apology as an act of responsibility and kindness, transforming it from something associated with weakness or guilt into something positive. 

Use Stories and Role-Play to Illustrate 

Children often learn complex social and emotional lessons through stories. Share a simple tale where a beloved character makes a mistake, apologises, and is loved even more for their honesty and effort to make things right. You can also use toys to role-play scenarios, showing that a sincere apology makes relationships stronger, not weaker. 

By consistently separating your child’s intrinsic worth from their behaviour and framing an apology as an act of strength, you help them see it as a powerful tool for personal growth and connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, making mistakes does not render a person worthless or ‘bad.’ On the contrary, the act of recognising a mistake and seeking to make amends is a central part of the path to spiritual growth and divine mercy. An apology is not a sign of a flawed character but rather a demonstration of humility and sincerity before Allah Almighty and His creation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verses 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins…”.’ 

This verse is a profound reminder that even when we make significant mistakes, the mercy of Allah is far greater. Returning to Him with humility and repentance, whether for sins against Him or wrongs against people, brings us closer to His forgiveness. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that making mistakes is an inherent part of the human condition. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2499, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin is those who repent.’ 

This teaches a vital lesson: making mistakes is simply part of being human, but the act of apologising and seeking to improve is what makes a person truly good in the sight of Allah. By explaining that everyone, including prophets and righteous people, sought forgiveness, children learn that saying sorry means they are brave and beloved, not ‘bad.’ An apology becomes a lesson in resilience, humility, and the boundless mercy of Allah Almighty, helping them to carry a healthier and more positive mindset into all their relationships.