Parenting Perspective 

It is common for children to view an apology merely as a way to escape consequences, rather than as a meaningful tool for repairing hurt feelings. To help shift their perspective, you must guide them to see that offering an apology is a profound act of kindness, intended to restore trust and make the other person feel better. 

Highlight the Emotional Impact on Others 

Instead of focusing solely on the broken rule and its punishment, gently direct your child’s attention to how their behaviour has affected the other person. You could say, “Look at your sister; she feels very sad because of what happened. What is something we can do to help her feel better?” This approach moves their focus away from a fear of being disciplined and towards a genuine compassion for others. 

Explain the True Purpose of an Apology 

State the purpose of an apology in clear and simple terms. You can tell them, “Saying sorry is not about getting out of trouble. It is about showing that you care about someone’s heart and want to help them feel happy again.” This clarification helps children understand that the apology is offered for the other person’s comfort, not for their own personal gain. 

Pair Words with Restorative Actions 

Encourage your child to follow up their verbal apology with a kind and restorative action. This could be returning a toy they snatched, offering a hug, or helping the person they have upset with a small task. This practice demonstrates that a true apology is active and intended to heal, rather than being a passive, verbal exercise. 

Praise Sincere and Empathetic Efforts 

Whenever you notice your child apologising with sincerity, acknowledge their effort warmly and specifically. Saying, “That was very kind of you. You really helped your brother feel happy again,” reinforces the positive emotional outcome of their apology. This makes them feel proud of their ability to restore harmony, not just of having followed a rule. By consistently focusing on empathy, providing clear explanations, and encouraging practical actions, you can help your child learn that an apology is a powerful act of healing relationships and spreading kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam actively encourages believers to prioritise mending relationships and protecting the hearts of others. When we teach children the true purpose of an apology, we nurture in them the Islamic values of humility, empathy, and the ability to maintain peace within their family and community. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse reminds us that one of the highest qualities of a believer is the ability to manage anger and seek reconciliation, thereby creating peace between hearts. A sincere apology is one of the first ways a child can practise this form of goodness. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that true strength is found in self-control and humility. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ 

This teaches us that real strength lies in patience and the willingness to repair relationships, not in winning an argument or escaping blame. When children understand that offering an apology is a way to please Allah Almighty and show care for His creation, they begin to see it as an honourable action rather than a burdensome task. This mindset will help them grow into compassionate adults who value healing hearts far more than saving themselves from punishment.