What should I do when my child slouches, lies down, or interrupts during a gathering? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural for children to become restless during long gatherings. Behaviours like slouching, lying down, or interrupting conversations can seem disrespectful, even when no ill-intent is present. Rather than causing embarrassment with a public correction, it is better to guide them with gentle reminders and clear expectations, helping them to understand that good manners are a way of showing respect for others. 

Correct Calmly in the Moment 

If you notice your child slouching or interrupting, use a quiet and subtle prompt, such as a soft whisper of, ‘Sit nicely, please,’ or a pre-arranged gentle hand signal. A calm and private correction helps to redirect their behaviour without making them feel ashamed or defensive in front of others. 

Teach Expectations Ahead of Time 

Before you attend a gathering, take a moment to explain what is expected of them. You could say, ‘When we are sitting with our guests today, we will try to sit upright and listen respectfully. If you would like to say something, please wait until the other person has finished speaking.’ Preparing your child with these expectations beforehand empowers them to practise self-control. 

Reinforce with Practice and Praise 

You can use short family discussions at home to role-play what it means to sit attentively and wait for a turn to speak. Following a real event, be sure to praise any effort you noticed: ‘I was so pleased with how patiently you listened to Uncle today.’ Positive feedback is a powerful motivator for building lasting habits of good conduct. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on the etiquette of social gatherings, as our conduct in these settings is a direct reflection of our humility, self-discipline, and respect for others. 

The Importance of Order in Gatherings 

The Quran teaches that gatherings have a set of divinely sanctioned etiquettes, and that following them with patience and respect is a means of earning Allah’s favour. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verses 11: 

‘ O you who are believers, when it is said to you: “Make space for each other in the gatherings”, then try to accommodate each other; (and conversely) Allah (Almighty) shall accommodate you (with His mercy); and when it is said to you: “Arise (to do good)”, then enable yourselves (to do that good); (and in return) Allah (Almighty) shall elevate those who are believers amongst you, and those people who are given the knowledge (of existential reality) in various stages…’ 

The Finer Etiquettes of Respect 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ extend to the subtlest aspects of social etiquette, ensuring that no one in a gathering ever feels excluded or disrespected. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1168, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When three are sitting together, two should not converse privately to the exclusion of the third.’ 

By teaching your child to sit properly and listen patiently, you are rooting their manners in the Islamic value of adab. They will learn that respectful behaviour is a reflection of a humble and considerate character, which is beloved to Allah Almighty.