What should I do when my child hides or refuses to come out when we have visitors? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child retreats at the sound of the doorbell, it is often a sign of social anxiety, not defiance. Forcing a shy or overwhelmed child into the spotlight can intensify their fear and make future visits even more stressful. The goal is to gently build their confidence, teaching them that welcoming guests is a valued family custom, and giving them manageable ways to participate. 

Prepare Them in Advance 

Reduce the element of surprise by letting your child know who is coming and what to expect. A simple heads-up like, ‘Aunty Fatima is coming for tea in an hour. We will sit in the lounge,’ gives them time to mentally prepare and feel more in control of the situation. 

Offer Gentle and Manageable Options 

Never drag a hiding child out. Instead, approach them privately with a low-pressure invitation. You could say, ‘Would you be able to come and say salaam for just one minute, and then you can go back to playing?’ This respects their feelings while still encouraging a small, respectful gesture. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Effort 

After the guests have left, praise any step they took, no matter how small. Saying, ‘I know that was hard for you, but it was so lovely when you came out to say hello,’ reinforces their bravery and makes them more likely to try again next time. 

Build Confidence Incrementally 

The goal is gradual progress, not a sudden transformation. By respecting their limits and celebrating small victories, you are helping them build social confidence step by step. They learn that interacting with guests is not a scary ordeal, but a manageable part of your family’s warm and welcoming home. 

This patient approach helps your child transform their anxiety into confidence, seeing guests as a welcome part of family life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a profound emphasis on hospitality, viewing the act of welcoming a guest as a fundamental expression of faith. Guiding our children towards this noble practice, with patience and understanding, is a vital part of their spiritual upbringing. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).‘ 

This verse establishes ‘good conduct’ (ihsan) as a direct command from Allah. Gently encouraging a child to greet a guest is a practical way of teaching them this beautiful and comprehensive principle. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6135, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should honour his neighbour, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should honour his guest.’ 

This powerful hadith links the act of honouring a guest directly to the core tenets of our belief. It teaches that hospitality is not just a cultural norm, but an essential proof of one’s faith in Allah and the Last Day. 

By patiently encouraging your child to greet and respect visitors, you instil in them the Prophetic teaching that honouring guests is not only good manners but also a form of worship. With time, they will learn to overcome shyness and embody this Islamic value with confidence and sincerity.