Parenting Perspective 

A helping hand from a child is a wonderful thing, but when it turns into a sibling rivalry over who is ‘the most helpful’, the spirit of kindness can get lost. The focus shifts from service to status. To counter this, we can gently guide our children away from competition and towards a mindset of shared, collaborative contribution to the family. 

Emphasise Teamwork, Not Tallying 

Frame household contributions as a family effort. Use language that promotes unity, such as, ‘Let us all work together to get the kitchen tidy so we can relax.’ This highlights the shared goal rather than keeping a mental scoreboard of who did what. 

Ensure Fairness Through Rotation 

A simple, rotating chore chart can work wonders to eliminate feelings of unfairness. When tasks are distributed equally and predictably, it removes the grounds for competition. This teaches a practical lesson in justice and shared responsibility. 

Praise the Intention, Not the Comparison 

Never praise one child at the expense of another. Avoid saying, ‘Why can you not be more helpful like your brother?’ Instead, praise the quality of the action itself: ‘That was a very kind thought,’ or ‘I appreciate your cheerful attitude while helping.’ 

Nurture Sincere Generosity 

When you consistently frame helping as an act of family care, you nurture a spirit of sincere generosity. Your children learn that the goal is not to win your approval or to be ‘better’ than a sibling, but to contribute to the well-being of the family as a whole. 

This approach helps them grow to see service as an act of love, not a tool for superiority. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the value of any good deed lies in the sincerity of the intention (ikhlas), not in public recognition. Guiding children away from competing for praise and towards helping for the sake of Allah is a profound spiritual lesson. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 21: 

‘Advance fervently towards redemption from your Sustainer; and the Gardens (of Paradise), its width shall be the span of the sky and the Earth; prepared for those people who believed in Allah (Almighty) and his Messengers…’ 

This powerful verse redirects our competitive spirit. It teaches us that the true race is not against each other for praise, but with each other towards the forgiveness and Paradise of Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 13, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will have faith until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.’ 

This beautiful hadith is the ultimate antidote to rivalry. True faith makes it impossible to want to ‘beat’ your sibling; instead, it inspires you to want the very best for them, fostering cooperation over competition. 

By teaching children that helping is about sincerity and care, not rivalry, you instil the Islamic principle of ikhlas (purity of intention). Over time, they will learn that serving others is not a race to win, but a path to grow closer to Allah Almighty and strengthen family unity.