How can I help my child navigate group chats where secrets and exclusion happen? 

Parenting Perspective 

Group chats are a central part of modern social life for children, but they can also be breeding grounds for gossip, secrets, and exclusion. Your child might feel pressured to participate in harmful behaviour or feel hurt when they are left out. Your role is to give them the confidence and the principles to navigate these digital spaces with kindness and integrity. 

Discuss the Public Nature of Private Chats 

Start by explaining that nothing in a group chat is truly private. Messages can be screenshotted and shared, and words can be taken out of context. Encourage a simple rule: ‘Do not type anything you would not be comfortable saying out loud to everyone.’ 

Differentiate Privacy from Harmful Exclusion 

Help them understand the important difference between healthy privacy and hurtful exclusion. You can explain, ‘It is normal for a few friends to have a private chat, but it is unkind to use a group to deliberately make someone feel left out or to spread secrets.’ 

Provide Them with Confident Responses 

Role-play simple but firm responses they can use to deflect pressure. For example, ‘I would rather not talk about someone who is not here,’ or ‘Let’s just keep this chat positive.’ Having these phrases ready gives them the confidence to steer conversations in a better direction. 

Empower Them to Set Boundaries 

Reassure your child that they have the right to leave any group chat that makes them feel uncomfortable. Remind them, ‘Your peace of mind is more important than being in every group. True friends will respect your decision to step away from negativity.’ 

Through this guidance, you empower your child to engage in their digital world with kindness and a strong sense of self, rather than being pulled into negative peer dynamics. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides clear guidance against the very behaviours that often thrive in group chats: gossip, suspicion, and forming cliques that exclude others. It is essential to teach our children that their online conduct is a direct reflection of their character and faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘ Those of you who have believed, abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin; and do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against other...’ 

This powerful verse directly addresses the toxic behaviours often found in group chats. It equates backbiting with a horrific act, teaching us to avoid gossip and secretive conversations that harm others. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.’ 

This hadith reminds us that the measure of our faith is our character. Excellent character, which includes kindness, fairness, and honesty, must be maintained in all our interactions, whether face-to-face or online. 

By linking digital behaviour to spiritual values, you help your child see that truthfulness and fairness bring respect in this world and reward in the Hereafter. Over time, they will learn that integrity is more important than fitting in to unhealthy group dynamics.