How do I support a child who gets upset when others lie or bend the rules? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be difficult to watch your child get upset when others cheat or bend the rules, especially when their frustration comes from a strong sense of fairness. While this sensitivity to honesty is a wonderful quality, it can also lead to disappointment. Your role is to validate their values while teaching them the resilience to navigate a world that is not always fair. 

Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings 

Start by showing you understand. Say, ‘I can see you are really upset that the game was not played fairly. It is good that you care so much about honesty.’ This reassures your child that their feelings are valid and that their commitment to fairness is a positive trait. 

Encourage a Balanced Perspective 

Gently explain that while they cannot control how others behave, they can control their own reactions. Teach them to focus on their own enjoyment and integrity rather than letting someone else’s dishonesty spoil the experience for them. This builds emotional resilience. 

Equip Them with Healthy Responses 

Talk through different ways they can respond. They could calmly say, ‘I think the rule is…’ or they could make a conscious choice to step away if the game is no longer enjoyable. This gives them a sense of agency and control instead of feeling helpless. 

Celebrate Their Integrity 

Regularly praise them for their commitment to fairness, especially when it is difficult. Saying, ‘I am so proud of you for always choosing to play honestly. That shows real strength of character,’ helps them see their integrity as a core part of their identity. 

By nurturing their sense of justice while building their emotional resilience, you equip your child to uphold their values without becoming bitter or discouraged by the actions of others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam not only commands us to be fair and just, but also teaches us to be patient when we encounter unfairness from others. A key lesson for a child is understanding that while the dishonesty of others is wrong, their own integrity is what they are ultimately responsible for before Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 186: 

‘ (O Muslims) you will certainly be tested with (the expanding) of) your wealth, and your personal (sacrifices); and you will certainly hear many hurtful things from those people who have been given the Scriptures before you, and from those people who are polytheists…’ 

This verse reminds us that facing unfairness and hurtful words is a guaranteed part of life’s test. The best response, worthy of determination, is to remain patient and steadfast in our own principles. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4032, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not bear their annoyance.’ 

This hadith teaches us that enduring the difficult behaviour of others with patience is not just a sign of strength, but an act that earns a greater reward from Allah. It encourages resilience and forbearance. 

By grounding your child’s values in both patience and Islamic justice, you help them see that dishonesty in others is a test, but their own truthfulness is a treasure. Over time, they will learn that fairness is not only about games but about their character and their closeness to Allah Almighty.