How do I handle a child who makes up rules and then denies it? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be frustrating when a child invents new rules mid-game to give themselves an edge, and then denies it when questioned. While this behaviour can disrupt play, it also offers a low-stakes opportunity to teach vital lessons about fairness and honesty. The aim is to correct the behaviour gently and turn a moment of potential conflict into a learning experience. 

Establish Clear Rules from the Start 

Prevention is often the best approach. Before starting a game, take a moment to review the rules together. For younger children, repeating them aloud or having a quick demonstration can prevent confusion and make it easier to uphold the agreed-upon structure. 

Address the Issue with Calmness and Fairness 

If your child changes a rule and denies it, avoid a direct accusation. Instead, frame it around the group’s experience: ‘It feels like we are not all playing by the same rules, which is not fair. Let us stick to the rules we agreed on.’ This focuses on the principle of fairness, not on blame. 

Promote Collaborative Problem-Solving 

If a dispute arises, turn the solution over to the group. Suggesting that they take a vote on how to proceed or agree to restart the round teaches cooperation and democratic thinking. It shows them that play is about shared enjoyment, not individual control. 

Acknowledge and Praise Honesty 

If your child admits they were confused about a rule or were trying to change it, praise their honesty. Say, ‘Thank you for being truthful about that. Now we can get back to playing fairly.’ This positive reinforcement makes honesty feel more rewarding than denial. 

By using these moments as gentle lessons in integrity, you help your child understand that while inventing rules might offer a brief advantage, it is honesty and fairness that build trust and make games truly enjoyable for everyone. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam champions fairness and warns against deception for personal gain. This principle extends to all areas of life, teaching us that honesty in our recreation is a reflection of our character and faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 9: 

‘And if two factions amongst the believers quarrel with each other, then mediate (making peace) between them; but if one of the groups subjugates (the rights) of the other (wilfully and maliciously); then fight against the oppressors until they return to the commandment of Allah (Almighty)…’ 

This verse, which commands us to restore justice between believers, teaches a broader principle: fairness must be upheld, and any attempt by one party to gain an unfair advantage must be corrected. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2079, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If they spoke the truth and made everything clear, they will be blessed in their transaction. But if they concealed the facts and told lies, the blessing of their transaction will be lost.’ 

This hadith teaches us that blessings (barakah) are tied to honesty and transparency. When we apply this to our games, it shows that fairness brings a blessed sense of joy and connection, while deceit removes it. 

By linking everyday play to fairness in Islam, you help your child see that truthfulness is not just about rules but about character. Over time, they will learn that honesty strengthens both relationships and their closeness to Allah Almighty.