What if my child keeps lying because they are scared of disappointing me? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child lies because they are afraid of disappointing you, it is often a sign that they value your approval immensely. The challenge for a parent is to reassure them that this love is unconditional, while still teaching them that honesty is always the best path. Your goal is to make them feel safe enough to tell the truth. 

Reassure Them of Your Unconditional Love 

Make it absolutely clear that your love is not dependent on their performance or perfection. Simple statements like, ‘I might be disappointed by the action, but I will always love you,’ provide deep emotional security. This reassurance reduces the fear that often drives a child to lie in the first place. 

Praise Honesty and Balance Discipline with Compassion 

Children often lie when they believe that only perfection will win your approval. It is vital, therefore, to praise their courage when they admit a mistake: ‘Thank you for telling me the truth, even though I know it was difficult.’ When consequences are needed, they should be fair and paired with guidance, not anger. This shows that being truthful is respected, even in failure. 

Share Your Own Vulnerability 

Sharing your own mistakes can be a powerful tool. Telling your child about a time you fell short but chose to be honest demonstrates that accountability is a respected value for everyone in the family, not just for children. It shows them that honesty is what maintains respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Hiding the Truth is a Betrayal of Trust 

Islam teaches that our primary motivation should be to please Allah, not to avoid the disappointment of people. Hiding the truth is a betrayal of the trust that Allah has placed in us to be honest. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 27: 

‘ O you who are believers, do not ever be pretentious (in following the commandment) of Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); and do not misappropriate what has been entrusted upon you, whilst you know (the consequences of such actions).‘ 

Truthfulness is Tranquillity 

The prophetic tradition beautifully explains the inner state that results from honesty. While lying creates doubt and anxiety in the heart, truthfulness brings a sense of peace and tranquillity. This is a powerful motivator for a child who is struggling with fear. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, 2518, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt. For truthfulness is tranquillity, and lying is doubt.’ 

Pleasing Allah Over Pleasing People 

By reassuring your child of your love and reminding them that Allah values truthfulness above all else, you help to reduce the fear that causes them to lie. They learn over time that telling the truth brings dignity and spiritual strength, not disappointment.