What should I do when one child complains that punishments are unfair? 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Their Feelings and Explain the ‘Why’ 

When a child complains that a punishment is unfair, they often just want to feel heard. Instead of dismissing their complaint, validate their feelings first: ‘I hear that you feel this is unfair. Let’s talk about why it happened.’ Then, clearly explain the reason for the consequence by linking it directly to their behaviour. This helps your child to see the connection between their actions and the outcome, rather than seeing it as a personal bias from you. 

Maintain Consistency and Transparency 

Inconsistency is a major source of resentment between siblings. It is vital to keep rules and consequences as consistent as possible, only making adjustments for age or specific needs, and explaining these differences clearly. After any disciplinary discussion, it is helpful to invite reflection: ‘What could we do differently next time to avoid this?’ This turns the focus from blame towards growth and problem-solving. 

Make Consequences Fair and Constructive 

By combining clarity, consistency, and empathy, you help your child accept consequences as fair and constructive parts of their learning and development, rather than as arbitrary punishments. 

Spiritual Insight 

Stand Firm for Justice 

Islam places a powerful emphasis on justice and fairness. The Quran commands believers to stand firm for what is right in all situations, even when it is difficult. Parents, in their role as leaders of the family, must embody this principle. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

Be Just Among Your Children 

The prophetic tradition gives a clear and direct command for parents to be just in their treatment of their children. This is not only a matter of good parenting but is a sacred duty for which we are accountable to Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just among your children.’ 

Discipline Guided by Justice 

When you explain to your child that fairness is a central value in both our family and in Islam, they learn to see discipline not as harshness, but as a form of justice and guidance. This helps them to accept consequences with more trust and strengthens their respect for both their parents and the values of their faith.