How can I make sure my rewards do not cause jealousy between my children? 

Parenting Perspective 

Focus on Fairness, Not Strict Equality 

While rewards can be a good motivator, they can also trigger jealousy if not handled with care. The key is to focus on fairness, not strict equality. You can explain to your children that rewards are based on individual effort, not on comparison with one another. For example, ‘You both worked hard in different ways, so your rewards might look a little different.’ This helps each child to feel that their own achievement is valued. 

Personalise and Rotate Rewards 

Instead of giving identical rewards, try to tailor them to each child’s interests to make them feel uniquely seen. It also helps to rotate small privileges, like who gets to choose the family game for the evening. Do not forget to highlight non-material recognition, such as praise for good character: ‘I was so proud of how kind you were to your sister today.’ This balance ensures every child feels valued. 

Celebrate Growth, Not Comparison 

When children see that rewards celebrate their own growth rather than measure them against siblings, jealousy reduces and motivation becomes healthier. This builds security and encourages them to be happy for one another’s successes. 

Spiritual Insight 

Uphold Justice and Good Conduct 

Islam teaches that parents must uphold justice and balance in all their dealings, especially with their children. While it is natural to show appreciation for good deeds, we are reminded to avoid any form of favouritism that could harm a child’s heart. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

Be Just with Your Children 

The prophetic tradition gives a clear and direct command for parents to be just and fair with their children. This shows that treating each child equitably is not just a matter of good parenting, but a sacred duty before Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

Fairness Nurtures Contentment 

When you align your approach to rewards with the Islamic principles of justice and compassion, your children learn that their family is a place of fairness. This nurtures contentment and helps them to understand that the ultimate reward comes from Allah, who values the sincere effort of every individual.