How can I encourage my child to apologise without forcing it or making it performative? 

Parenting Perspective 

Focus on Empathy, Not Just the Word ‘Sorry’ 

A forced apology is often an empty one. To encourage sincerity, it is important to focus less on the word ‘sorry’ and more on why an apology is needed. Guide your child towards empathy by asking gentle questions: ‘Look at your sister’s face; she seems very hurt. What do you think we could do to help her feel better?’ This connects the situation to another person’s feelings, rather than just demanding compliance. 

Guide Them Towards Genuine Repair 

Encourage your child to make amends in a way that feels authentic to them. This might be a verbal apology, but it could also be a kind gesture, like sharing a toy or drawing a picture. It is crucial to praise the sincerity of the act, not just its form: ‘I could see you really meant it when you offered to help. That was very thoughtful.’ This frames an apology as an act of repairing a relationship, which is a sign of maturity. 

Nurture Natural Expressions of Empathy 

With patience and consistency, apologies become natural expressions of empathy instead of hollow rituals. This approach turns mistakes into valuable lessons in responsibility and kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Show Forgiveness and Enjoin Good 

Islam values sincerity and reconciliation above all. The Quran teaches believers to be people who are quick to forgive and who encourage goodness, reminding us that a sincere heart is the essence of these actions. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 199: 

‘(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions), and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.‘ 

The Best Who  are Those Who Repent 

The prophetic tradition reminds us that making mistakes is a part of being human. True value lies not in being perfect, but in the sincerity of turning back to what is right and seeking to make amends. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.’ 

An Act of Kindness and Faith 

When you teach your child that a sincere apology is about healing a relationship and is an act valued by Allah, they learn that it is not just an obligation. They begin to see it as an act of kindness and faith that nurtures genuine empathy and strengthens their moral character.