How do I respond when my child complains about the rules being unfair at school? 

Parenting Perspective 

Validate Their Feelings First 

When your child complains that a school rule is unfair, the most important first step is to listen to them without being dismissive. Acknowledging their frustration by saying, ‘I can see that this rule is upsetting you,’ gives them the validation they need to be able to discuss the situation calmly. 

Help Them Understand the Purpose of Rules 

Help your child to understand that rules are usually created to keep everyone safe and to ensure things are fair, even if they sometimes feel restrictive. If they believe a rule is genuinely unfair, encourage them to express their concerns respectfully to their teacher, rather than simply rebelling against it. This teaches them how to advocate for themselves constructively. 

Teach Perspective and Resilience 

Remind your child that life will sometimes feel unfair, but that their character is shown in how they respond. Praise them when they handle a frustrating rule with patience, and reassure them that following rules does not mean they cannot also voice their concerns. It simply means that they should do so with dignity and respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Obeying Those in Authority 

Islam teaches believers to respect order and authority, as this is essential for a harmonious community. The Quran commands us to obey Allah, His Messenger, and those in positions of authority, provided their commands do not contradict our faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 59: 

‘ O you who are Believers, obey Allah Almighty and obey His Messenger (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) and those who have authority amongst you…’ 

Obedience Unless It is a Sin 

The prophetic tradition clarifies this principle, teaching that obedience to authority is required unless it involves a sin. This establishes a clear framework: we respect rules and structure, but our ultimate allegiance is always to Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 1839, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is obligatory upon a Muslim to listen and obey (the ruler) whether he likes it or not, except when he is ordered to disobey Allah. If he is ordered to disobey Allah, then he should neither listen nor obey.’ 

Balancing Respect with Wisdom 

By framing school rules in the light of Islamic principles of discipline and fairness, you help your child learn to be respectful. At the same time, you nurture their confidence to express their concerns calmly, a skill that builds resilience and reflects the values of justice and wisdom.