Parenting Perspective 

Prepare Before the Activity Begins 

Arguments over ‘who goes first’ are very common, as children often see the first turn as a sign of importance. Parents can reduce this conflict by setting clear expectations before an activity begins. For example, establishing a predictable pattern like alternating turns (‘Yesterday your brother went first, so today it is your turn’) removes the need for debate and helps to prevent arguments before they start. 

Make ‘Going First’ Less Significant 

The more emphasis a parent places on who starts, the more intense the competition becomes. Instead, it is better to praise cooperation, reminding them that, ‘What matters is that everyone gets a fair turn.’ If conflict still escalates, redirecting the children to a cooperative activity, such as building something together, can quickly transform a sense of rivalry into one of teamwork. 

Model Calmness and Consistency 

Children are very observant of how their parents respond to conflict. Reacting with anger can fuel the competition, whereas remaining calm reinforces a sense of fairness. By applying the agreed-upon rule consistently and praising patience (‘I really liked how calmly you waited for your turn’), a parent teaches that self-control is a more valuable trait than simply being first. 

Spiritual Insight 

Peace and Fairness Between Siblings 

Islam places great importance on maintaining peace and fairness within the family. Resolving disputes between siblings with love and justice is a crucial part of nurturing a home environment that is blessed by Allah’s mercy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

Being a Source of Safety for Others 

This beautiful hadith teaches that a true believer is someone from whom others feel safe. For siblings, this is a powerful reminder that gentleness and fairness make them trustworthy and beloved, which is far more important than winning the first turn. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nasai, 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one people trust with their lives and wealth.’ 

Lessons in Patience and Cooperation 

By setting clear routines, de-emphasising the importance of going first, and linking fairness to faith, parents can turn these common disputes into valuable lessons in patience and cooperation. Over time, children learn that their bond as siblings is far more precious than winning the first turn in a game.