Parenting Perspective 

When it comes to repairing relationships, whether with a child or others, budgeting time and money wisely is essential to ensure that the process is constructive. The goal is to teach responsibility, the value of effort, and the importance of accountability, without turning repair efforts into an ongoing entitlement. A balanced approach involves using both time and money as tools for growth and learning, not as crutches that undermine a child’s ability to take responsibility for their actions. 

Set Clear Boundaries and Goals 

The first step is to set clear boundaries and goals. It is important to establish that repair is not about rewarding negative behaviour, but about teaching that making amends is part of personal growth. 

• Set clear limits: For example, if the repair involves an outing to make up for a missed promise, set a reasonable amount of time for that activity. 

• Focus on the purpose: The focus should be on relationship restoration and learning, not on making up for every mistake with material rewards. 

Integrate Active Participation Over Material Compensation 

While it may be tempting to compensate for harm with material items, this can create a sense of entitlement. Instead, focus on integrating active participation as a form of repair. 

• Time: If a child missed out on an event, instead of offering a new treat, spend quality time together doing something meaningful that contributes to the relationship. 

• Money: Rather than using money as compensation, consider using it as a teaching tool. If a child broke something, you could involve them in the process of repairing or replacing it. 

Focus on Teaching Responsibility and Accountability 

The essence of budgeting time and money for repair should be teaching the child responsibility. The goal is not to simply ‘make it up to them’ with rewards, but to teach them that repairing relationships takes effort. 

• Allow natural consequences: If a child breaks a rule, allow them to face the natural consequence, which may involve contributing in a way that is proportional to the harm done. 

• Make repairs a joint effort: Invite the child to participate in the process of making things right. 

Avoid Overcompensation 

Overcompensating with excessive time or money can inadvertently foster a sense of entitlement. It is important to avoid using repair as an opportunity to lavish the child with rewards. 

• Proportional restitution: If the repair involves money, make sure it is in proportion to what was lost or broken. 

• Fairness in time spent: Rather than always providing more time to ‘make up’ for mistakes, set clear limits on what is reasonable. 

Foster a Growth-Oriented Mindset 

One of the most important aspects is to foster a growth-oriented mindset. The focus should be on teaching the child how to learn from their mistakes. 

• Focus on learning, not just compensation: Encourage your child to reflect on the mistake and how they can grow from it. Ask questions like, ‘What could we do differently next time?’ 

• Teach the value of effort: When offering time or money for repair, make sure it is tied to an effort that teaches something valuable. 

By budgeting time and money in a way that teaches responsibility, you help your child understand the importance of accountability. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Sincere Giving 

The noble Quran highlights that true goodness is in how we manage our wealth and time, particularly when things go wrong. The act of giving should come from a place of sincerity and should be used to mend relationships. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘ Those (believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘ 

When making restitution, this verse reminds us that our actions should always be aimed at promoting good. 

The Strength in Self-Control 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us that true strength lies in self-control and taking responsibility for our actions. In the context of repair, it serves as a reminder that true strength comes from owning our mistakes and learning from them. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2581, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls themselves when they are angry.’ 

By using time and money in ways that foster growth, we teach the child the value of humility and self-reflection.