What words explain that my reaction was my problem, not theirs? 

Parenting Perspective 

When apologising to your child, it is essential to take full ownership of your actions and make it clear that your reaction was your responsibility, not theirs. This helps your child understand that they are not to blame for your emotional outburst. By clearly distinguishing between their behaviour and your reaction, you help them feel safe and loved, freeing them from the burden of feeling responsible for your emotions. 

Use Clear Language to Take Ownership 

The key is to state clearly that your reaction was about you, not something they caused. This helps your child understand that while their actions might have been a trigger, your emotional response was entirely your own. 

You could say: ‘My reaction was my own responsibility, and it was not your fault.’ 

This phrase separates their behaviour from your response, reinforcing that your actions were a reflection of your own emotional state. 

Acknowledge Your Own Emotions 

Explaining that your reaction stemmed from your own feelings helps your child see that they are not at fault. It also teaches them that while emotions are natural, how we manage them is what truly matters. 

You can explain: ‘I was feeling frustrated, but that does not justify how I reacted. I should not have taken it out on you.’ 

This statement acknowledges your emotions without placing any blame on the child, reinforcing that your behaviour was the issue, not theirs. 

Reassure Them They Are Not to Blame 

Ensure your child knows that, regardless of the situation, they are not the cause of your reaction. This helps to protect their self-esteem and reinforces that they are not responsible for managing your feelings. 

You can say: ‘You did not do anything to deserve that. My reaction was about my own feelings, not about you.’ 

This statement provides clear reassurance, which is vital for maintaining their emotional security and trust in you. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, taking responsibility for our reactions is an important part of emotional maturity and spiritual growth. By acknowledging that your reaction is your own, you demonstrate self-awareness and accountability. 

The Wisdom of a Measured Response 

The noble Quran teaches us the importance of controlling our reactions and responding in a way that upholds goodness and patience, even when we feel frustrated or provoked. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 199: 

‘ (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions, and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.‘ 

This verse guides us to choose forbearance and wisdom over emotional reactivity, a principle that is central to righteous conduct. 

The Prophetic Example of Self-Control 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasise that true strength lies in controlling one’s emotions and reactions, particularly within the family. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.’ 

This hadith, while addressed to husbands, establishes a universal principle of gentle conduct and self-control within the family. By taking ownership of your reaction, you are embodying the strength and restraint encouraged by the Prophet ﷺ.