Parenting Perspective 

When relatives try to involve children in adult conflicts, it places a heavy and unfair burden on their young shoulders. A child should never be made to feel caught between family loyalties, as this can damage their sense of security and teach them to doubt the very relationships they rely on. Your first priority must be to shield your child from being used as a messenger or a judge in these disputes. A calm but firm intervention is needed to protect them from this role. 

Clear Responses You Can Use 

In the moment, you can use short, clear, and respectful phrases to set a boundary. 

• ‘We do not want the children to be involved in grown-up disagreements.’ 

• ‘Let us not put the children in the middle of this. They should feel safe with everyone.’ 

• ‘They need to know that they can love all of us without having to take sides.’ 

Reinforcing Your Child’s Sense of Safety 

Later, in private, it is important to reassure your child that it is never their job to choose between the adults in their life. You can tell them plainly, ‘You do not need to take sides. It is our responsibility as the adults to handle our own disagreements’. This helps to release them from the pressure and restores their trust that you will protect their innocence. 

Protecting Relationships with Wisdom 

At the same time, it is important to keep your tone respectful to avoid widening any family divisions. Framing your response around your child’s well-being, rather than accusing anyone, makes it less likely that the other person will become defensive. If you consistently intervene with dignity, your child will learn that loyalty is not about choosing sides, but about honesty and compassion. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that disagreements should be handled with fairness and maturity, not by dragging innocent children into the conflict. A child’s heart deserves to be preserved from bitterness so that they can grow up free from unnecessary emotional burdens. 

A Quranic Reminder on Reconciliation 

The Quran teaches that the duty of believers is to make peace and reconcile with one another, not to prolong disputes and involve others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘ Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

This reminds us that resolving disputes is a duty of reconciliation, not of division. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Mending Ties 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that it is the responsibility of adults to take the first step in mending broken ties, rather than prolonging hostility and involving others in it. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6077, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each turning away when they meet. The better of the two is the one who greets the other first.’ 

This teaches that adults must take responsibility for resolving their own conflicts. 

By gently but firmly removing your child from adult disputes, you are showing them that their role is to grow in peace, not in conflict. This nurtures their emotional well-being and roots them in the Islamic values of reconciliation and justice.