Parenting Perspective 

With older children who have mobile phones, a new form of ‘parent-shopping’ has emerged: sending the same request to both parents in a group text, hoping to get a ‘yes’ from the more lenient one. This tactic can create confusion and frustration if parents give different replies. The solution is to set clear boundaries and to always present a united digital front. 

Establish a Simple Rule 

Agree on a straightforward household standard and communicate it clearly to your child. For example: ‘If you text both of us with the same question, the first answer you receive is the final answer. There are no second chances’. This helps to stop the cycle of going back and forth for permission. 

Redirect Responsibility Back to the Parents 

If a group text asking for permission comes in, one parent can simply respond with, ‘What did your Mum/Dad say?’. The second parent can then affirm the first answer: ‘That is our final decision’. This consistent script shows your child that there is no advantage to be gained by texting you both. 

Use a Shared Response System 

It is important for parents to coordinate with each other before either of them replies. If one parent answers the child, the other can reinforce the decision by adding, ‘Yes, I agree with your Mum/Dad’. This demonstrates unity, even in a digital conversation. 

Praise Honesty and Directness 

When your child comes directly to one parent instead of sending a group text to you both, acknowledge and praise their honesty. Saying, ‘Thank you for coming to me directly with your question. That shows respect’ helps to build the right habit through positive reinforcement. 

By combining clear rules with parental unity, you can prevent group-texting from becoming a loophole for manipulation. Your children will learn that consistency and fairness apply both in person and online. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on honesty, fairness, and unity within the family. The act of trying to play one parent against the other contradicts the principle of trust, whereas parents who maintain a united front are reflecting the Islamic values of justice and mercy. 

A Quranic Reminder on Justice 

The Quran reminds us that fairness and truth must be the guiding principles in our decisions, not favouritism or attempts to bend the rules. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This reminds us that fairness must be upheld, even within the family. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Honesty 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that careful and honest speech is a fundamental part of a believer’s faith. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 884, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough lying for a man to narrate everything he hears.’ 

While this hadith is about spreading unverified information, its principle applies to being truthful in our dealings. It reminds us to teach children that integrity matters more than getting their own way. 

By modelling a united front and requiring honesty in all requests, parents can stop the habit of group-text manipulation. Your children can then grow up knowing that consistency is rooted in justice, and that family strength comes from loyalty to the truth, not from finding shortcuts.