How can I involve a quieter parent so authority does not tilt to one side? 

Parenting Perspective 

In many families, it is natural for one parent to take the lead in discipline and daily decision-making, while the other adopts a quieter, more supportive role. Over time, however, this dynamic can cause authority to tilt heavily towards one parent, leaving the other feeling sidelined and teaching children to respect only one voice. The goal is not to force a change in personality, but to create deliberate opportunities for the quieter parent to be visibly and authoritatively involved. 

Assign Specific Areas of Leadership 

Agree on specific areas of family life where the quieter parent will consistently take the lead. This could be, for example, overseeing bedtime routines, managing homework schedules, or setting the rules for screen time. When children see their authority being exercised consistently in these specific domains, they learn to respect it. 

Use Intentional ‘Handovers’ 

If the more vocal parent has initiated a correction, they can gently and deliberately pass the authority to their partner. A simple, respectful phrase like, ‘Your Dad/Mum has some thoughts on this. Let us listen to what he/she has to say,’ can create a natural handover without it feeling staged or artificial. 

Publicly Reinforce Their Authority 

Even if the quieter parent speaks less frequently, the more vocal parent can amplify their words and reinforce their authority. Using phrases like, ‘You heard what your Dad/Mum said. We are both in agreement on this,’ ensures that their words carry equal weight and significance. 

Offer Private Encouragement and Support 

It is important for spouses to encourage each other in private. The more vocal parent can acknowledge the quieter parent’s efforts and ask how they can best offer support to help them feel more involved and confident. This affirmation and teamwork behind the scenes often translates into greater confidence in front of the children. 

By making intentional space for the quieter parent to lead, you can prevent the family’s authority structure from becoming lopsided. Your children learn to see both parents as a united front and to respect them equally, which strengthens the unity and balance of the entire home. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises the shared responsibility of both parents in raising children, with neither voice intended to be diminished. Each parent is a shepherd in their own right, and children are commanded by Allah Almighty to honour both of them equally. 

The Command to Honour Both Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘…(Thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.‘ 

In this verse, gratitude to parents is linked directly with gratitude to Allah Almighty. The use of the plural ‘parents’ reminds us that this honour and respect must extend to each parent, and it is a parental duty to ensure that this balance is maintained in the child’s eyes. 

The Duty of Justice Between Parents 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This profound Hadith teaches that being just with our children is a fundamental Islamic duty. Part of this justice is ensuring that the household authority is balanced and that respect is shared fairly between both parents, so that no child is taught to honour one parent over the other. 

By consciously involving the quieter parent, you uphold the Islamic principles of balance, justice, and mercy. Your children then grow up with a deep and equal respect for both parents, seeing their home as a place of unity and fairness rooted in their faith.