Parenting Perspective 

It is a common behaviour for pre-teens to wedge themselves between their parents on the sofa. This is often their way of seeking attention, reassurance, or a tangible sense of belonging. While it may feel intrusive to your couple time, it is also an important opportunity to guide them towards respecting boundaries while still ensuring their emotional needs are met. 

Acknowledge Their Need for Closeness 

Rather than pushing your child away or showing irritation, begin by welcoming their desire for closeness. You could say, ‘We love that you want to be near us’, or, ‘It is lovely to have you here with us’. This initial warmth reassures them that their presence is wanted, and they are not being rejected. 

Designate a Special Spot for Them 

After welcoming them, introduce the idea of a ‘special spot’ for them right next to you, rather than between you. You might say, ‘This cosy cushion right here is your special spot beside us. Mum and Dad also need their space to sit together’. By providing them with their own designated place, you are including them without physically dividing you. 

Proactively Offer Your Undivided Attention 

Often, this behaviour stems from a need for connection. You can pre-empt it by setting aside just ten minutes before or after your sofa time where your pre-teen has your full, undivided attention. This could be for a quick game, a chat about their day, or sharing a snack. When their need for connection is proactively filled, they are far less likely to insist on squeezing between you. 

Be Consistent with Warm Reminders 

If they forget and try to slip between you again, gently guide them back to their spot with a calm and loving reminder: ‘Remember, this is your special cushion right here’. Over time, your warm consistency will teach them that the boundary is firm, but it is also loving. 

By handling this situation with both empathy and clear structure, you show your child that their need for love and attention is seen and respected, while also teaching them the equally important lesson of honouring the parental bond. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great value on maintaining balance within the family: nurturing children with abundant mercy while also protecting the sanctity of the marital bond. Teaching your pre-teen to respect the space between parents is not an act of rejection, but an act of guidance rooted in the principles of modesty, dignity, and family order. 

The Dua for a Balanced Family 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

‘And those people that say: “O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that makes) our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model”.‘ 

This beautiful prayer reminds us that both our spouses and our children are meant to be sources of comfort and joy. Nurturing both of these precious bonds requires balance, wisdom, and turning to Allah Almighty for guidance. 

Excellence in Family Life 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

This teaches us that true excellence in family life is achieved through good character. This includes showing abundant warmth and affection to our children, while also upholding the respect and dignity that is due between spouses. 

By guiding your pre-teen with love and consistency, you demonstrate mercy and firmness together. They grow up understanding that family affection has space for everyone, but the unity between parents is the non-negotiable foundation of their security.