Parenting Perspective 

Children benefit enormously when they witness the love and respect between their parents. At the same time, it is important that any displays of affection are within the bounds of Islamic modesty (haya) and do not make children feel uncomfortable. The goal is to express warmth in ways that reassure children of a strong parental bond while upholding the dignity of the family. 

Focus on Gentle and Modest Gestures 

Simple, modest, and gentle actions can speak volumes to a child about the love between their parents. The most effective gestures are often the quietest: 

• Smiling warmly at each other across the room. 

• Sharing kind words or sincere compliments in front of the children. 

• Sitting together with gentle physical closeness, such as a hand resting on the shoulder. 

These small acts reassure children that their parents are a connected and loving team, without overstepping the boundaries of comfort or propriety. 

Express Affection Through Kind Words 

Children learn a great deal about love from the way their parents speak to one another. Expressing affection through words of appreciation and respect is both powerful and modest. Simple statements like, ‘Thank you so much for helping with dinner tonight’, or, ‘I really appreciate how you supported me today’, model a deep and respectful love. 

Demonstrate Unity in Daily Actions 

A strong sense of partnership, visibly demonstrated in daily routines, is a profound form of affection. Praying side by side, taking a short walk together after a meal, or sitting together to plan family time all send powerful signals of love and unity. Children absorb these small acts of togetherness as tangible signs of family security. 

By carefully balancing affection with the principles of haya, you provide your children with exactly what they need: the unwavering certainty that their parents love each other and are completely united. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam greatly encourages the expression of love and mercy within a marriage, while simultaneously upholding the importance of modesty in all interactions. Affection that is shown within the bounds of haya is not only permissible but highly beneficial, as it strengthens the family’s emotional and spiritual core. 

Affection as a Divine Sign of Tranquillity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘ And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness…’ 

This verse reminds us that the affection and mercy between spouses is a divine sign from Allah Almighty. When this is expressed in a modest and dignified manner, it becomes a means of spreading tranquillity throughout the entire home. 

Good Character as a Mark of Faith 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.’ 

While the Hadith highlights kindness to women, its principle extends to both spouses. It teaches us that showing love, care, and good character towards one’s spouse is a direct reflection of the strength and completeness of one’s faith. 

By displaying affection through gentle words, respectful gestures, and visible unity, parents embody the principle of love within haya. Children then grow up witnessing both mercy and modesty, learning that true affection shines brightest when it is balanced with dignity.