Parenting Perspective 

It is a classic teenage tactic to test limits by comparing parents, often using the line, ‘But Dad lets me’ or vice versa. This can easily create tension and conflict if it is not handled with calm consistency. Having a clear, agreed-upon script prevents you from being drawn into an argument and teaches your teenager that parental unity is non-negotiable. 

Acknowledge and Defer the Decision 

The first step is to respond calmly, acknowledging what they have said without immediately engaging in a debate. You could say, ‘I hear you. In our family, Mum and Dad make decisions together, so let us check with each other first’. This simple phrase helps you to acknowledge without arguing and prevents you from being pressured into an instant reaction. 

Place the Onus on Communication 

Follow up by placing the responsibility back on the principle of parental communication. A good phrase is, ‘If Dad has already given you permission for this, then he and I will confirm that together. If he has not, then my answer for now is no’. This script clearly signals that any attempt to divide you will not succeed, as you prioritise parental communication. 

Conclude with Firmness and Respect 

Finish the conversation with warmth and respectful finality: ‘I understand that you are disappointed, but our rules are in place for your benefit. When Dad and I are in agreement, that is the final word’. This approach maintains a respectful tone and models how to achieve firmness without hostility. 

By consistently using this script, you can effectively diffuse potential arguments, protect the unity between you and your spouse, and teach your teenager that testing boundaries in this way is unproductive. Over time, they will learn to respect that both of their parents stand together as one. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on justice and respect for parental authority. While it is natural for a teenager to challenge boundaries, responding with wisdom and unity is a crucial part of guiding them towards greater discipline and respect. 

The Commandment of Good Treatment to Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘ And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably…’ 

This verse commands children to treat their parents with goodness and respect. When parents stand united, they create a clear and consistent structure of authority that makes it easier for a teenager to uphold this important Islamic value. 

The Shared Guardianship of Parents 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a guardian, and each of you will be asked about his subjects.’ 

This reminds us that parents share the profound responsibility of guardianship over their children. Fulfilling this trust requires them to be unified and firm in their guidance, ensuring they are aligned in the values and discipline they impart. 

By using a clear script when your teen says, ‘Dad lets me’, you not only protect your authority but also demonstrate the justice and responsibility that Islam calls for in family life. Your teen sees that respect and unity are essential parts of growing into maturity.