How does overhearing teachers compare students affect a child’s self-worth? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child overhears a teacher comparing them unfavourably to a classmate, it can leave a lasting and painful mark on their self-worth. A teacher’s words carry immense weight, and negative comparisons can profoundly shape how children view their own abilities and value. A remark like, ‘Why can you not be more like them?’ can be internalised as a belief that they are simply not good enough. 

The Damage to a Child’s Confidence 

Instead of feeling motivated by such comparisons, children often feel defeated. They may start to believe that no matter how hard they try, they will never measure up. This mindset can lead to a reluctance to participate in class, a fear of failure, and a tendency to avoid new challenges. 

The Risk of Fostering Resentment 

Unfair comparisons can damage a child’s relationships. They may begin to resent the peers who are held up as positive examples, which can spoil friendships. They may also develop resentment towards the teacher, which can erode their respect for authority figures. 

Internalising Negative Labels 

A child who is constantly compared to others may begin to define themselves by their perceived shortcomings rather than their strengths. This can weaken their resilience and contribute to a pattern of self-doubt that continues long into their adult life. 

How Parents Can Support Their Child 

Parents can provide a crucial counterbalance to these harmful experiences. 

• Listen empathetically when your child shares their feelings about being compared to others. 

• Remind them that personal effort and progress are what truly define growth, not being better than someone else. 

• Praise their unique strengths and celebrate their progress, no matter how small it may seem. 

• If the issue persists, consider having a respectful conversation with the teacher about the impact of such comparisons on a child’s self-esteem. 

By reinforcing a child’s confidence at home, parents can help to heal the harm caused by negative comparisons in the classroom. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that every person is uniquely honoured by Allah Almighty and should be valued for their individual qualities. The practice of making unfair comparisons erodes this God-given dignity and goes against the principle of nurturing each person’s potential. 

The Quranic View on Human Dignity 

The Quran establishes that every human being has been granted honour by their Creator, independent of their worldly achievements or abilities. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam…’ 

This verse confirms that every child possesses an inherent dignity that cannot be diminished by comparison to anyone else. 

Prophetic Guidance on Fairness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ strongly advocated for justice and fairness, teaching that making comparisons and showing favouritism can cause significant harm. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

Although spoken to parents, this principle of justice and fair treatment is a universal teaching that applies to all those in positions of authority, including teachers. 

By grounding a child in the belief that Allah values sincerity, effort, and good character far more than worldly measures, parents can restore their confidence. This teaches them that their worth is not defined by being ‘better’ than others but by striving to please Allah with honesty and faith. In this way, children can learn to rise above comparisons and embrace their own unique journey with dignity.