Parenting Perspective 

Children thrive on predictability and routine. When the household rules at a relative’s home differ widely from your own, it can disrupt your child’s sense of consistency and stability. For example, if bedtime is strict at home but relaxed at an aunt’s house, or if screen time is limited by parents but unlimited at a grandparent’s, the child may feel confused about which rules are truly important. 

Confusion and Selective Obedience 

When a child hears different instructions from different adults, they may begin to think that all rules are flexible and can be bent depending on the location or the authority figure. This weakens their respect for boundaries, as the child learns to follow rules only where enforcement is strict, rather than coming to understand their intrinsic value. 

The Undermining of Parental Authority 

If relatives allow certain freedoms that parents restrict, children may begin to challenge their parents more often at home. They might argue, “But I am allowed to do this at my uncle’s house,” which can lead to friction and frustration for everyone. Over time, this dynamic undermines the parents’ ability to build consistent habits in areas like healthy sleep, balanced routines, or respectful speech. 

Emotional Stress from Switching Standards 

Children can also feel pressured when moving between households with very different expectations. Having to constantly “switch codes” by behaving one way in one home and another way elsewhere can leave them feeling unsettled and anxious. This is particularly true for younger children who are still learning the basics of self-regulation. For instance, a child who is allowed sugary snacks all day at one home may struggle when their parents reintroduce limits, leading to tantrums or feelings of resentment. 

Supporting Consistency Despite Differences 

Parents cannot control every environment their child enters, but they can take steps to maintain stability. 

• Explain clearly that each household has its own way of doing things, but that your own family’s rules will always stand at home. 

• Use simple and firm language like, “Different homes have different rules. In our home, this is how we do things.” 

• Encourage your relatives in a private and respectful conversation to try to support your most important boundaries for the sake of the child’s wellbeing. 

With this approach, your child can learn to be flexible in different environments without losing sight of your family’s core values and routines. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the home is the primary centre for a child’s upbringing (tarbiyah) and that parents are ultimately accountable for guiding their children. While differences across the homes of relatives are natural, consistency in a family’s core values must be preserved. 

The Responsibility of Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verses 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…’ 

This verse reminds parents that their primary duty is to safeguard their children’s spiritual and moral upbringing, regardless of any outside influences they may encounter. 

The Value of Order in the Home 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 44, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah loves that when any of you does a deed, he does it with excellence.’ 

This Hadith can teach parents that bringing a sense of consistency and excellence to how their family’s rules are set and followed is an act that is beloved to Allah Almighty. This begins with the way that children are gently and consistently guided in their daily lives. 

By reminding your children that while they may see different ways of living in the homes of others, their own household follows a path that is grounded in love and Islamic values, you are providing them with a sense of security and clarity. This approach nurtures their consistency, patience, and respect for rules, ensuring that they can grow up with a firm moral compass that can guide them through the varied environments they will encounter in life.