Parenting Perspective 

Constant interference from grandparents, even when it is rooted in love, can unsettle a child’s sense of stability at home. Children depend on consistency from their parents to feel safe, and when that parental authority is repeatedly challenged or undermined, their emotional foundation can begin to weaken. 

Confusion Around Authority 

When grandparents frequently override or contradict the parents’ rules in front of a child, the child may become confused about who is truly responsible for guiding them. This can cause feelings of anxiety, an increase in the testing of boundaries, and a general uncertainty about whose voice to trust and follow. 

Strain on the Parent-Child Relationship 

If a child begins to see their grandparents as the “final decision-makers” or as a way to get around their parents’ rules, they may start to lean on them more heavily. Over time, this dynamic can weaken the primary parent-child bond, which should be the main anchor of a child’s security. 

Emotional Pressure and Divided Loyalties 

Children are highly sensitive to conflict within the family. When they witness repeated disagreements between their parents and grandparents, they can feel torn between their loyalties. This emotional pressure may result in feelings of guilt, stress, or even behavioural outbursts as they struggle to navigate the tension. For example, a child might feel that agreeing with their parent will upset their grandparent, or vice versa, leaving them feeling caught in the middle. 

Protecting the Child’s Stability 

Parents can help to reduce these negative effects by maintaining calm and consistent routines, which provide a sense of predictability for the child. It is important that any disagreements with grandparents are handled privately, so that the child continues to see their parents as a steady and dependable source of authority. Involving grandparents in positive, non-conflicting roles, such as storytelling or teaching cultural values, also allows the child to enjoy their love without the parents’ role being undermined. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides us to treat our elders and grandparents with the utmost honour, while also recognising the unique and direct responsibility that parents carry as the primary shepherds of their household. Striking this beautiful balance ensures that children are surrounded by love but are also grounded in a sense of stability. 

The Quranic Injunction of Respect for Elders 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably…’ 

This verse reminds us that showing kindness and respect towards our parents and, by extension, our elders is an essential act of worship. This helps to nurture a sense of harmony across the generations. 

The Prophetic Example of Parents as Shepherds 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them.’ 

This Hadith highlights the crucial point that parents carry the direct amanah (trust) of raising their children, and they will be the ones who are questioned by Allah about how they safeguarded this trust. 

By honouring grandparents while still ensuring consistent parental leadership, families can offer their children both deep roots and a stable environment. This allows a child to grow up feeling emotionally secure and spiritually nurtured, and to witness the beauty of harmony between the generations.