Parenting Perspective 

When parents present a united front in their parenting, some of their elders may misinterpret this as a form of rebellion or disrespect, especially if the couple’s choices differ from established family traditions. The challenge is to find a way to stand firm together, without sounding dismissive of others. A united front should aim to reassure your relatives that your decisions are rooted in a sense of care, not in defiance. By combining your consistency with a deep sense of respect, you can protect your child while at the same time maintaining harmony within your extended family. 

Frame Your Decisions Around Your Child’s Well-being 

Instead of simply stating, ‘We do not do that in our family,’ you can frame your choices by saying, ‘We have noticed that this particular routine really helps our child to feel safe and calm.’ Linking your choices directly to your child’s needs helps your unity to sound thoughtful, rather than oppositional. 

Use Soft but Clear Language 

It is important to speak with a gentle tone and to use respectful words. A phrase like, ‘We deeply appreciate your advice, and we have decided that this is what works best for us right now,’ is very effective. A calm delivery can make your firmness much easier for others to accept. 

Emphasise Your Shared Goals 

You can say, ‘We all want what is best for the children. Alhamdulillah, this is the way that we are trying to achieve that.’ Focusing on your shared, positive intent can help to prevent your unity from looking like an act of defiance. 

Avoid Public Confrontation 

If your relatives continue to push their point of view strongly, it is best to deflect the conversation gently and to discuss your boundaries with them again in private at a later time. The act of protecting the dignity of everyone involved is what will keep your unity feeling kind. 

By choosing to speak respectfully, explaining your choices through the lens of care, and focusing on your common goals, you can ensure that your united front feels like a strength that is guided by love, not like an act of rebellion. 

Spiritual Insight 

Kindness to Elders and Firmness in Responsibility 

Islam emphasises both kindness to our elders and a firm commitment to fulfilling our own responsibilities. The unity between spouses is a part of fulfilling the sacred trust (amanah) of raising children, but it must always be expressed with gentleness. 

Kindness Even in Disagreement 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 15: 

‘And if they (the parents) argue with you on (the matter of) ascribing to anything (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism), other than (worshipping) Me (Allah Almighty); then (you can say to them) you do not have any knowledge (of the truth); then do not obey either of them, but keep companionship with them in this life with positivity…’ 

This verse reminds us that even when we are not able to follow the wishes of our elders, we are still commanded to respond to them with kindness and good character. 

The Adornment of Respect and Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a sense of unity that is expressed with gentleness is what strengthens our relationships, while any harshness can only weaken them. By combining your firmness with kindness, you can honour both your responsibility as parents and your duty to maintain respect within your family. Your child will then see from your example that your parental unity is not an act of rebellion, but is in fact a form of mercy and protection that has been shaped by your Islamic values.