Parenting Perspective 

Many parents can feel a sense of guilt when they choose not to follow the same parenting methods that their own families used, often fearing that they will seem ungrateful or disrespectful. However, parenting is not about simply copying the past; it is about thoughtfully building what works best for your own unique family today. Preventing this kind of guilt begins with the recognition that honouring your parents does not mean you have to duplicate their every choice. It means respecting them, while at the same time responsibly choosing your own path forward. 

Separate Respect from Replication 

You can tell yourself, ‘I can value the sacrifices my parents made for me without needing to repeat every single one of their methods.’ True respect is shown through gratitude and honour, not through blind imitation. 

Focus on Shared Values, Not Exact Methods 

Try to identify the core values that both of your families upheld, such as kindness, honesty, or the importance of education, and then make a commitment to keeping those same values alive. The specific way that you choose to implement these values may differ from that of your parents, but the underlying spirit can remain the same. 

Reframe Your Guilt into Gratitude 

Instead of allowing yourself to feel guilty for doing things differently, you can say, ‘Alhamdulillah, my parents gave me a set of lessons that are now allowing me to parent with more wisdom today.’ This reframing helps to replace a feeling of guilt with a sense of empowerment. 

Build Your Confidence as a Couple 

You can remind each other, ‘Our primary responsibility is to raise our own children together, in the way that we feel best suits their unique needs.’ Presenting this kind of united and confident front can help to shield you from external pressure and from your own internal guilt. 

By consciously separating the idea of honour from the act of replication, you can free yourself from unnecessary guilt and can instead build a parenting style that is both respectful of the past and authentic to you. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Parents While Taking Responsibility 

Islam teaches us to honour our parents, while at the same time taking full responsibility for the well-being of our own families. Following their wisdom does not mean that we have to copy every detail of their lives, but that we should uphold the qualities of respect, justice, and mercy in our own unique context. 

The Balance of Responsibility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 15: 

‘…Then (you can say to them) you do not have any knowledge (of the truth); then do not obey either of them, but keep companionship with them in this life with positivity…’ 

This verse reminds us that while our respect for our parents is required, our obedience does not have to extend to every single matter, especially when our circumstances or our understanding may differ from theirs. 

Your Responsibility for Your Own Household 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 1692, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those whom he is responsible for.’ 

This hadith teaches us that our first and foremost accountability before Allah is to our own spouse and children, not to family traditions that may no longer serve them in the best way. By honouring your parents with kindness while at the same time confidently choosing what is most beneficial for your own child, you can release yourself from the burden of guilt. Your child will then learn from your example that true respect is rooted in gratitude and fairness, not in blind imitation.