Parenting Perspective 

When you have lived through a difficult or painful childhood, it can be very easy to unconsciously project those experiences onto your own child. You may catch yourself fearing that they will repeat your mistakes, or find yourself assuming that they are destined to suffer in the same way that you did. This kind of projection can weigh heavily on your parenting, causing you to become either overly harsh or overly protective in your discipline. To break this cycle, you must make a conscious and consistent effort to separate your child’s journey from your own. 

Reframe Your Inner Dialogue 

It is a powerful practice to tell yourself often, ‘My child is a new soul with their own unique story. They are not me.’ The regular repetition of this reminder can help to weaken the pull of your old memories. 

Actively Notice What Is Different 

Take the time to consciously reflect on all of the love, the security, and the faith-based practices that you are giving to your child that you may not have had yourself. Seeing these differences clearly can help to prove to you that your child’s life is not simply a copy of your own. 

Focus on the Present Moment 

Instead of worrying about what may have happened in your own childhood, you can try to bring your focus back to the present moment by asking yourself, ‘What does my child need from me right now?’ Staying present in this way helps to stop the past from controlling your parenting. 

Share Hope, Not Fear 

When you are talking to your child, try to choose words of encouragement, rather than warnings that have been shaped by your own past. This will help to build their confidence, instead of burdening them with your fears. 

By reminding yourself daily that your child has their own unique path to walk, you can release them from the shadow of your past and give them the space they need to grow freely. 

Spiritual Insight 

Each Soul Has Its Own Journey 

Islam teaches us that no soul carries the burden of another, and that each person is ultimately responsible for their own path. This reminder can help you to release your fear and to parent with a sense of trust in the wisdom of Allah. 

Each Soul Carries Its Own Burden 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verses 164: 

‘…And no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others; then your ultimate return is to your Sustainer, then He (Allah Almighty) will inform you, about all the matters in which you were divergent (from the infinite truth).’ 

This verse reminds us that your child is not destined to carry your past burdens; they will have their own unique account with Allah. 

Nurturing with Gentleness, Not Burdens 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the best way forward is always through gentleness, not through the projection of any harshness we may have experienced in our own past. When you are able to see your child as an individual who has been blessed with their own unique destiny, you can stop parenting from a place of fear and can instead start parenting from a place of faith. This will not only help to heal your own heart, but will also give your child the precious gifts of freedom, mercy, and the chance to grow into the person that Allah has designed them to be.