How can I repair if I undermined the other parent publicly? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one parent undermines the other in front of a child, whether by contradicting a rule, dismissing an opinion, or offering a direct criticism, it can weaken the parental authority of both and unsettle the child’s sense of loyalty. Repairing such a moment requires humility, clarity, and a reassurance that both parents are still united in their care for the child. 

Acknowledge the Mistake Openly 

Instead of allowing the undermining comment to linger in the air, it is best to step in and gently correct it. You could say, ‘I should not have spoken over Mum just then. We both care about what is best for you, and we are on the same team.’ This models accountability for your own mistake and reassures your child that the respect between their parents remains intact. 

Affirm the Other Parent’s Authority 

It is important to follow up with a clear statement that restores the balance of authority. For example, ‘Your dad’s decision on that still stands. We will talk about it together in private later on.’ This shows your child that parental disagreements are not battles to be exploited, but are rather discussions that happen respectfully between the adults. 

Reconnect Privately to Strengthen Unity 

Later on, it is crucial to apologise to the other parent in private and to agree on how to handle any future differences more constructively. Presenting a consistently united front to your children is what builds their sense of stability and prevents repeat patterns of undermining behaviour. 

By repairing these moments openly and respectfully, parents can show their children that while mistakes happen, they do not have to fracture the family’s unity. They can be healed in ways that actually strengthen trust and security. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition places great importance on maintaining mutual respect and kindness between parents, as this is the foundation upon which a stable and secure family unit is built. 

Mutual Respect as a Divine Command 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 19: 

‘…And cohabit with them with the positivity (of kindness)…’ 

This verse reminds us that kindness and respect in our speech are sacred obligations within family life, and must be upheld even in moments of disagreement. 

The Prophetic Model of Honouring Family 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 5757, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a person’s excellence is shown not in winning arguments or asserting their own opinion, but in showing consistent respect and goodness to their family. 

When parents make an effort to repair publicly after undermining each other, they are aligning themselves with this beautiful Prophetic character. Their children learn from this that even when mistakes happen, the principles of respect and unity remain, which helps to keep their sense of security and family stability strong.