How do I show warmth if physical affection is not their style? 

Parenting Perspective 

Not every child is comfortable with hugs, kisses, or other forms of constant touch. For some children, physical affection can feel overwhelming or even irritating, and parents may worry that without it, they are unable to show their love effectively. In reality, warmth can be expressed in many other ways; what matters most is that your child feels understood, secure, and loved in a way that resonates with them. 

Tune Into Their Preferred Style of Affection 

Take time to observe how your child naturally expresses and receives affection. Some children respond best to words of affirmation, acts of service, humour, or simply shared time. Matching your style of affection to theirs communicates a deep sense of respect for who they are. For example, if they enjoy conversation, prioritise setting aside time for undistracted chats. If they value practical help, offer to join them in a task they find challenging. 

Use Affirming Words and Gentle Gestures 

Simple, heartfelt affirmations such as, ‘I am so proud of you,’ ‘I love how you handled that situation,’ or ‘It makes me happy just to be with you,’ can warm a child’s heart as much as a physical hug. Non-physical gestures like a warm smile, direct eye contact, or a thumbs-up from across the room can also reassure your child of your love without the need for physical closeness. 

Create Small Rituals of Connection 

Small, predictable moments of connection can become powerful anchors of warmth in your child’s life. This could be something as simple as sharing a private joke after dinner, using a special goodnight phrase, or a consistent morning wave from the doorway. These rituals send the clear message: ‘You are important to me.’ While they may not want physical touch, they will cherish the consistency, attention, and kindness that these moments represent. 

The goal is not to force one particular form of affection, but to adapt your expression of love so that your child can truly receive and appreciate it. This flexibility shows them that they are accepted and loved for exactly who they are. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, expressing warmth and care is a practical application of mercy. This mercy is not limited to physical touch but is conveyed through gentleness, kind words, and sincere attention to the needs of others. 

The Spiritual Value of Gentleness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This verse reminds us that gentleness, which can be expressed in our tone, manner, and overall treatment of others, is often more powerful than physical force or rigid formality in building loving bonds. 

The Prophetic Example of Diverse Forms of Care 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 4006, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man’s spending on his family is a deed of charity.’ 

This hadith teaches us that acts of care and provision, which are forms of service, are themselves profound expressions of love and mercy in Islam. When parents show warmth through gentle words, supportive actions, and small, consistent rituals, they embody mercy in a way that is tailored to their child’s unique nature. Love in Islam is not confined to a single form; it is expressed through kindness, gentleness, and the willingness to meet others where they are.