How to Model Self-Control When You Are Still Learning 

Parenting Perspective 

Your Struggle Is a Powerful Teaching Moment 

It is very natural for a parent to want to guide their children in emotional regulation while at the same time recognising that they themselves are still learning. Rather than seeing this as a weakness, you can turn it into a powerful teaching moment. Children do not need to see perfection from their parents; they need to see sincerity, humility, and consistency. 

Narrate Your Process 

One practical step is to narrate your process in simple language. For example, if you feel your voice rising, you could pause and say, ‘I am feeling upset, so I will take a breath before I continue speaking.’ By doing this, you are showing your child how regulation looks in practice, rather than pretending that frustration never happens. It normalises the idea that everyone, even adults, has emotions to manage. 

Repair Is Key 

When mistakes do happen, repair is key. If you lose your temper, going back to your child and calmly saying, ‘I was upset and I did not handle it the way I should have, I will try again,’ both reassures them of your love and demonstrates accountability. This shows children that self-control is not about never failing but about always striving to correct and grow. 

Build Personal Routines 

To make this easier, a parent can also build personal routines that strengthen self-regulation: short pauses before responding, regular breaks for rest, or dua silently in moments of stress. These private practices help keep your energy steady and prepare you to model calmness more consistently. 

Spiritual Insight 

Self-Control Is a Mark of True Strength 

In our faith, self-control is seen as a mark of true strength. 

When You Are Angry, Forgive 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’  

This verse highlights that even when anger arises, the believer is one who can choose forgiveness and restraint. It shows that the presence of strong emotion does not define failure; what matters is how it is managed. 

Strength Is the Quiet Power of Self-Restraint 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 141, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.’  

This hadith places strength not in force or dominance but in the quiet power of self-restraint. For a parent, this means every effort to pause, breathe, and redirect is a form of strength that children can learn from. 

By openly acknowledging your own work on emotional regulation while striving for improvement, you model both humility and strength. This teaches your children that self-control is a lifelong journey, and that striving for it is an act of both parenting and worship.