How to Hold Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty 

Parenting Perspective 

Discipline Is Guidance, Not Punishment 

It is natural for a parent to feel a wave of guilt when disciplining, especially if you worry that your children may see you as unkind or distant. However, discipline in its true sense is not about punishment but about guidance. Boundaries, when applied with warmth and fairness, actually make children feel safer and more secure. They learn that their world has structure and that you are steady in your role as their protector and teacher. 

Connect the Boundary to Care 

When you set a boundary, it helps to connect it to care. For example, instead of saying, ‘Stop shouting because I said so,’ you could say, ‘I will listen when your voice is calmer, because shouting hurts our peace.’ This way, your child sees the rule as a way to protect relationships, not as a rejection of their feelings. 

Do Not Let Guilt Guide You 

Balancing your emotions means noticing when guilt is guiding you instead of wisdom. Remind yourself that children may not always welcome discipline in the moment, but over time they grow to appreciate that it kept them safe and helped them develop self-control. A parent who never enforces boundaries risks leaving a child feeling uncertain and overwhelmed. 

Reconnect After Discipline 

To avoid resentment, give space for positive connection after discipline. A hug, a smile, or a shared moment helps your child remember that your love is constant, even when you are correcting behaviour. This reinforces the message that discipline comes from care, not anger. 

Spiritual Insight 

Discipline Is an Act of Mercy 

Islam views discipline as an act of mercy when it is rooted in justice and gentleness. Discipline is not meant to push children away, but to nurture them toward what is better. 

Setting Boundaries Is an Act of Protection 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones...’  

This verse shows that parents are entrusted with guiding their children, and that responsibility sometimes requires firmness to prevent harm. Setting boundaries is therefore an act of protection, not harshness. 

Firmness Combined With Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 33, Hadith 33, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’  

This hadith teaches that even when we discipline, it should be carried out with kindness and measured words. Firmness combined with gentleness ensures that children respect the boundaries while still feeling valued. 

By seeing discipline as a form of mercy and protection, you can hold your boundaries with confidence and compassion. Your children may resist in the moment, but with consistency and love, they will come to recognise that discipline is part of the secure foundation you are building for them.