How to Stop Kids Whispering Secrets About Siblings 

Parenting Perspective 

Whispering Reflects Insecurity 

When children whisper against a sibling, it often reflects their own sense of insecurity rather than genuine dislike. During unsettled times, they may seek control or belonging by aligning with one sibling against another. While this is a natural reaction, if left unaddressed, it can lead to resentment and lasting division. 

Set a Clear Boundary 

Begin by making it clear in your home that secrets against a sibling are not acceptable. Avoid harsh punishment, as that can drive the behaviour underground. Instead, explain calmly that whispering excludes and hurts, and families are meant to uplift one another. 

Offer a Safe Space to Share Worries 

Offer alternatives by giving your children a safe space to share their worries with you directly. If they feel heard and supported, they will be less likely to turn their concerns into whispering against a sibling. You can also encourage group activities that require cooperation, such as setting up a game together or preparing something in the kitchen. These shared experiences can rebuild trust and reduce rivalry. 

Highlight Each Child’s Strengths 

It is also useful to highlight each child’s strengths in front of the others, so that siblings learn to see value in one another rather than competition. Consistency is key: when you notice moments of kindness between them, praise it openly. Over time, this shifts the culture of the home from exclusion to belonging. 

Spiritual Insight 

Use Private Conversations for Goodness 

In Islam, unity and fairness within the family are deeply emphasised. Whispering and secretive behaviour that excludes others is discouraged, as it can harm relationships and create mistrust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 9: 

‘O you who are believers, when you hold secret consultations; then do not hold private conversations in regards to actions that are sinful and vengeful and disobedient to the Messenger (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ); but hold private conversations about actions that are (pertaining to) benevolence and piety; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) as He is the One in front of Whom you will be gathered.’ 

This Verse reminds us that private conversations should not be used to cause harm or exclusion, but rather to encourage goodness. Parents can draw from this teaching by guiding children to use their words in ways that protect hearts rather than wound them. 

A Believer’s Words Must Be Safe 

It is also recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 47, Hadith 11, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.’  

This hadith teaches that a believer’s words must be safe for others, especially within the family where love and security should be strongest. 

By addressing the behaviour with calm clarity, redirecting your children’s need for security, and grounding your home in fairness and unity, you will help them see that whispering is not a path to belonging. Instead, real strength and comfort come from standing together as siblings, especially in unsettled times.