What should parents do if their spouse’s phone use undermines the example they want to set? 

Parenting Perspective 

Address the Issue Privately and Respectfully 

When one parent is trying to model healthy tech habits while the other uses devices excessively, children receive confusing mixed signals. It is crucial not to criticise or correct a spouse in front of the children, as this undermines unity and causes tension. Instead, the conversation must happen privately and be framed with respect and a shared goal: ‘I feel it is important that we show the children a united example so they are not confused.’ 

Frame It as a Shared Responsibility 

Instead of presenting the issue as a personal flaw, it is more effective to frame it as a matter of teamwork and shared responsibility. Explaining that, ‘We are both their primary role models, and if we are not consistent, they will not take the rules seriously,’ focuses the conversation on a common goal. A spouse is far more likely to respond positively when the focus is on the children’s wellbeing, rather than on blame. 

Suggest Small, Shared Changes 

It is best to suggest small, manageable changes that feel fair to both partners. For example, agreeing on simple habits like phone-free mealtimes or device-free bedtime routines can make a significant difference. When children see both parents honouring these moments, it reinforces their commitment to balance and makes the family’s values clear and credible. 

Spiritual Insight 

Spouses as a Source of Mutual Support 

The Quran describes the spousal relationship as one of mutual protection, comfort, and support. This principle is especially important when navigating parenting challenges, where unity is key to establishing a stable and loving home. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 187: 

‘…As they are a veil (source of restraint from immorality) for you and you are a veil for them…’ 

Leadership Through Kindness and Cooperation 

The prophetic example teaches that true leadership within the family is not about control but about kindness, cooperation, and striving to be the best for one another. A united parental front, built on mercy, is the strongest foundation for raising children. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, 3252, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

Building Unity in the Home 

By addressing disagreements privately, framing the conversation around teamwork, and creating simple shared habits, parents can avoid sending mixed messages. This approach ensures that children witness unity in their home and learn that healthy technology use is not just an individual struggle, but a shared family value rooted in mutual respect and responsibility before Allah Almighty.