What is the right way to talk to a child who feels their online bullies are ‘just joking’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children dismiss online bullying with the phrase ‘they are just joking,’ it is often a coping mechanism to minimise the hurt or to avoid further conflict. It is important for parents to address this seriously, validating their child’s feelings while also teaching them to clearly distinguish between harmless humour and hurtful mockery. 

Acknowledge Your Child’s Perception 

Begin by validating your child’s feelings and acknowledging the confusion that this situation can cause. You could say: ‘I can understand why that might seem like a joke, but it is also okay to feel hurt by it.’ This approach shows that you are taking their experience seriously and creates a safe space for an honest conversation. 

Differentiate Between Jokes and Harm 

Gently explain to your child the critical difference between friendly teasing and harmful bullying. You can clarify that a real joke is one that makes everyone feel included in the laughter. If one person is left feeling hurt, excluded, or embarrassed, then it is no longer a joke, but has crossed the line into harm. 

Guide the Conversation With Care 

You can help your child to process their own feelings by asking reflective questions, such as, ‘Did their words make you feel good or bad inside?’ It is also helpful to give them simple phrases they can use to assert their boundaries, such as, ‘I did not find that funny.’ You can also show them how to use digital tools like muting, blocking, or reporting to protect themselves when necessary. 

Restore Their Confidence and Support 

Remind your child that being treated unkindly is never their fault. Encourage them to invest their time and energy in positive online and offline spaces where they feel genuinely respected and supported. This helps to restore their confidence and reinforces their sense of true, healthy belonging. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a person’s dignity is sacred and must be protected. It strictly forbids any form of mockery or ridicule, making it clear that so-called ‘jokes’ that cause pain are not permissible. By anchoring your child in these values, you can empower them to reject harmful behaviour with confidence. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse is a direct command against the very act of bullying and mockery. It reminds us that belittling others is forbidden, because no one knows who is truly greater in the sight of Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6478, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed a servant may utter a word pleasing to Allah, without realising it, by which Allah raises him in rank.’ 

This teaching highlights the immense power of our words. It shows that kind and pleasing speech is an act that elevates a believer, which stands in stark contrast to the careless or cruel words used in bullying. 

By helping your children to see that Islam honours dignity, kindness, and respectful humour, you can anchor them in a set of values that protects their self-worth. This helps them to learn that rejecting a harmful ‘joke’ is not a sign of weakness, but is in fact an act of strength that is rooted in their faith.