What is the right way to learn alongside children without making it feel like competition? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a parent tries to learn about new technology alongside their child, the dynamic can sometimes feel like a competition. The child may boast about being faster, or they might feel pressured if the parent tries too hard to ‘catch up.’ The healthiest approach is to frame the experience as a shared journey, one that is rooted in cooperation and mutual respect rather than in rivalry. 

Position Learning as Teamwork 

You can position the experience as teamwork by saying to your child: ‘You are much better at this part, and I can handle this other part. Let us learn how to do this together.’ This demonstrates that knowledge is shared, not won. It transforms the dynamic from a race into a collaborative project. 

Celebrate Each Other’s Progress 

Instead of comparing who knows more, make a point of highlighting moments of mutual growth. You could say: ‘I did not know how to do this yesterday, but now I do, thanks to your help.’ At the same time, make sure to praise your child’s progress and their ability to learn so quickly. 

Use Their Strengths Without Dismissing Yours 

Allow your child to take the lead in the areas where they excel, which shows that you value their skills. At the same time, gently remind them that you as a parent bring a lifetime of broader skills, experience, and values to the table. This creates balance, showing that neither of you is the ‘teacher’ of everything, and neither is the ‘student’ of everything. 

Keep the Atmosphere Light and Respectful 

Try to laugh together when mistakes are made, whether by you or by them. It is important to avoid competitive phrases like, ‘I will get as good as you one day.’ A more collaborative phrase would be, ‘I am glad we are figuring this out together.’ This focus on shared experience prevents rivalry from taking root. 

By treating the process of learning as a partnership, parents can show their children that mutual respect and cooperation make any activity more enjoyable and fruitful than competition. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages the pursuit of knowledge throughout a person’s entire life, but it places a strong emphasis on the virtues of humility and cooperation, not on competition. Within a family, the act of learning together should be seen as a shared journey of growth, guided by Islamic values. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verses 11: 

‘…(And in return) Allah (Almighty) shall elevate those who are believers amongst you, and those people who are given the knowledge (of existential reality) in various stages…’ 

This verse reminds us that true honour and elevation through knowledge are gifts granted by Allah. They are not something to be achieved by competing against or feeling superior to one another. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless.’ 

This teaching encourages us to focus on our own striving for what is beneficial, not on proving that we are superior to others. Learning should be for our own growth and benefit, not for the sake of winning. 

By grounding the experience of shared learning in a spirit of cooperation, families can transform their engagement with technology into a space for bonding, humility, and mutual growth. Over time, this helps children to learn that knowledge is a sacred trust to be shared, not a trophy to be won.