How can families avoid conflicts when children help set up devices but also feel ownership over them? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child is the one who sets up a new family device, whether by installing the apps or troubleshooting the settings, it is natural for them to develop a sense of ownership over it. This can, however, lead to arguments when parents need to set limits or when other siblings want their turn. The challenge for parents is to encourage and appreciate their child’s helpfulness, without allowing it to blur the important boundaries of authority and fairness within the family. 

Acknowledge Their Contribution 

Make sure to thank your child for their valuable help and skill: ‘You have really helped the family by setting this up, and we are proud that you know how to handle it so well.’ Sincere recognition prevents them from feeling that their efforts have been overlooked and reduces the need to ‘claim’ ownership of the device. 

Clarify Family vs. Personal Devices 

Gently but firmly explain the difference: ‘Even though you did an excellent job setting it up, this device belongs to the whole family. Helping out with it does not mean it is yours alone.’ Making this distinction clear from the beginning reinforces fairness for all siblings. 

Rotate and Share Usage Fairly 

If it is a shared device, it is essential to create a clear and predictable system of turns or time slots for everyone. You can even involve the tech-savvy child in helping to create this schedule. This gives them a sense of responsibility for maintaining fairness, without granting them exclusive rights. 

Reinforce Respect Over Control 

If your child tries to dominate the device because of their technical expertise, calmly remind them of the family’s values: ‘Your skill is a great help to everyone in our family, but showing respect means making sure we all get to use it fairly.’ This teaches them that their contribution brings respect, not control over others. 

By showing appreciation for your children’s skills while keeping the rules of the house consistent, you can help to foster a spirit of cooperation instead of rivalry over shared family devices. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great emphasis on the principle of fairness, while also warning against feelings of pride or entitlement. A person’s skills and contributions should always be met with gratitude, but they should never be used as a justification for feeling superior to others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘ Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

This verse reminds us that a spirit of harmony, fairness, and reconciliation must guide all our family relationships, especially when it comes to sharing responsibilities and resources. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 13, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This foundational teaching clarifies that fairness and empathy are at the very heart of faith. A true believer should want the same respect, fairness, and opportunity for their siblings as they want for themselves. 

By grounding your family rules in fairness and mutual respect, you can show your children that their skills are a blessing from Allah, intended to be used to serve others, not as a claim to control them. Over time, this helps them to learn that true honour comes from sharing their knowledge with humility, in line with the values of their faith.