What can parents do if their child hides behind technical know-how to avoid responsibility for online behaviour? 

Parenting Perspective 

Some tech-savvy children learn to use their advanced knowledge as a shield, using complex jargon or claiming that things are ‘too complicated for you to understand’ to avoid discussions about their behaviour. This tactic can leave parents feeling frustrated and shut out from their role as guides. The key is to confidently separate a child’s technical skill from their moral responsibility, and to hold them accountable for their actions, regardless of their expertise. 

Stay Focused on Behaviour, Not Jargon 

When your child attempts to deflect a conversation with technical terms, calmly bring the focus back to the main issue: ‘I may not know every technical detail of what you are describing, but I do know when our family’s rules are not being followed.’ This keeps authority clear and prevents important conversations from being derailed. 

Emphasise Accountability Over Knowledge 

Gently remind your child of an important principle: ‘Knowing more about technology does not mean you are free from responsibility. In fact, it means you have a greater trust to act wisely.’ This reframes their expertise as an amanah (a trust), not a loophole to be exploited. 

Ask for Explanations in Simple Language 

If you suspect they are using jargon to confuse you or avoid the topic, you can make a simple request: ‘Please explain it to me in simple words so that we can discuss it fairly.’ This forces them to own their choices and explain themselves clearly, rather than hiding behind a wall of complex language. 

Pair Consequences With Guidance 

If they have misused their skills to avoid responsibility, for example by deleting their browsing history or bypassing a safety filter, it is important to calmly enforce the agreed-upon consequences. At the same time, you should guide them towards using their talent constructively, such as through coding projects, helping family members, or other positive online activities. 

By staying firm on your values, you can teach your teenager that technical ability never cancels out moral accountability, and that respect for the family’s rules is non-negotiable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that all knowledge is a form of trust (amanah) from Allah, and it must be used with honesty and for good. To use a skill to deceive, confuse, or escape from one’s responsibilities is a violation of the spirit of that trust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 36: 

‘ And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).‘ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that every skill we have and every choice we make is something for which we will be questioned by Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2416, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The feet of the son of Adam will not move on the Day of Judgement until he is asked about five things: his life and how he lived it, his youth and how he spent it, his wealth, how he earned it and how he spent it, and what he did with his knowledge.’ 

This teaching makes it clear that knowledge itself is a great accountability. It must be used for good and beneficial purposes, not misused to make excuses or to avoid responsibility. 

By connecting your teenager’s technical know-how to their Islamic responsibility, you can help them to see that hiding behind knowledge only weakens their character. Over time, this helps them to learn that real honour is found not in cleverness, but in maintaining honesty and integrity before Allah Almighty.