How can parents set rules when teens argue that ‘you do not understand because you did not grow up with this’? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common tactic for teenagers to challenge technology rules by claiming that their parents ‘do not understand’ because they did not grow up in the same digital world. While it is true that parents may not have personal experience with every new social media or gaming trend, the wisdom of parenting is rooted in life experience and a long-term perspective. The key is to validate this generational difference while gently reminding your teenager that your rules are an expression of care, not a desire for control. 

Acknowledge the Gap Without Losing Authority 

You can say: ‘You are right, I did not grow up with these specific apps. But I do understand how our choices can affect our health, our relationships, and our faith. That is the experience I use when I set rules to guide you.’ This approach shows humility and validates their point without surrendering leadership. 

Reframe Rules as Protection, not Punishment 

Explain that your rules are not a reaction to the technology itself, but a response to timeless human challenges. You could say: ‘Our rules are not here because we do not understand the technology, but because we care about your well-being. The technology may be new, but the challenges of peer pressure, distraction, and temptation have always existed in different forms.’ This frames the rules as loving guidance. 

Involve Your Teen in the Rule–Making Process 

Invite their input and expertise into the conversation: ‘Since you know more about how this app works, what do you think would be a safe and balanced limit for using it?’ By including them in the discussion, parents can turn a potential argument into an act of collaboration, while still retaining the final say. 

Stay Consistent in Your Core Boundaries 

Even while you admit to a generational gap in experience, you should remain firm and consistent in your core principles. Remind them that values such as respect, balance, and responsibility are timeless values that do not change with new technology. 

By blending humility with firmness, you can show your teenager that not ‘growing up with tech’ does not mean you are out of touch. It simply means that you bring a broader and often wiser perspective to how it should be used. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the respect and obedience owed to parents are not conditional on them having lived through the exact same experiences as their children. Rather, this respect is based on the sacred role, wisdom, and responsibility that Allah Almighty has placed upon them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.‘ 

This verse reminds us that the parental role is deeply tied to gratitude for their sacrifice and care, a principle that holds true regardless of whether a parent and child’s life experiences are identical. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’ 

This teaching establishes a core value in our faith: that elders are to be shown respect for the wisdom and care they provide, and this respect transcends any generational differences in experience or knowledge. 

By rooting your family rules in these timeless Islamic values, you can explain that while you may not be an expert on every new app, your responsibility as a parent to protect and guide your child remains unchanged. This helps your teenager to learn, over time, that your rules are not a sign of being ‘out of touch,’ but are an expression of your duty to safeguard their dignity, their health, and their faith.